Matthew's Story
In The year 2000 I was convicted of an offence for which I was given three years probation. Part of my order was to attend a two year course, which is designed to change my way of thinking, and to look into my life pre-offence to see what kind of state of mind I was in and if there were any patterns that could have been an associating factor ln my offence.
I feel that what i am about to share with you will be of great help and interest.
The first thing I needed to de was to recognise I did wrong and change my life in order to lead an offence free life. On the course we first looked at my back ground, going right back as far as my secondary school days. These were very unpleasent times as I was severely bullied from the age of 12 until I left at 16, so by the time I left school I had very low self esteem and also low self confidence. (This is not an excuse for my offence by any means).
My grandad also died when I was 19, I felt this was a very low point in my life as I was very close to him and found it hard to grieve.
After a few job failures I felt I was getting very depressed and did not know who to turn too. I have been in a realationship now since I was 16 and am now married to my first serious girlfriend, we are now closer than ever after my conviction, it has been very hard times but we have come through it and out the other side to tell the tale.
How I have come through it
On the Rehabilitation course we have been taught to analyse our thoughts feelings and behaviours and note any that have been significant along the way to offending.
Mine have been feeling isolated, suffering from depression and having low self esteem and confidence. Writing this down we could then see that taking any one of my thoughts feelings and behaviours away would result in a very different outcome, one that would not have been an offence. The main thing i knew in my mind was that i had to change my life.
So I had to think of the costs and gains of offending again, the costs far outweighed the gains.
Taking Responsibility
So how did i start to change my life?
Well having had low self confidence and esteem, I had to start respecting and believing in myself. I found myself a job, which I have now been in for nearly 3 years. I also have a lovely baby daughter who is 2. This was the start of my "new life".
I had to focus on things where I could see results, simple things like building a planter in my garden and growing vegetables and some fruit. Once I had got results I praised myself, because you do feel better within yourself straight away. I then thought about how I could cope with depression and anxiety attacks I was still getting. I went to see my doctor who talked through some relaxation techniques and helped me cope with the low sides in my life.
I have also used some coping strategies which I feel are excellent and would share with anyone at a later date. I have found keeping a note book with you and when you have a spare few minutes writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you to build a better life, as you can look back through it and compare how life was then to now.
I then found Fiona's book "The 10 Minute Life Coach" - what a great book for anyone wishing to change their life. By now I knew I had the will and determination to turn my life around and fulfil my dreams.
I found the chapter on Standing Tall very useful, I straight away felt physcologically full of pride and self confidence again. The section on Love You is great. I felt silly at first but I would get up for work and look in the bathroom mirror and repeat to myself, "I love myself, you are a winner, look after yourself, you can and WILL succeed".
All the way through this book it gives you great inspiring methods on how to change your life for the better. One of the many quotes I will never forget and have written down is this: "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you but cry and you cry alone".
Without this book I think it would have taken me a lot longer and would have been a lot harder to focus and point myself in the right direction.
This is just a few ways i have turned myself around during a very very difficult time.If you believe in yourself then other people WILL believe in you.
Play the game to win.
Thank you for taking the time to read my account.
Matthew
