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Self-belief crisis
Answer by Sue Clarke
Sally asks:
Hi Sue,I am normally a very self confident person but I'm finding that I'm questioning the basis for my belief (in myself) since I don't remember most of my childhood & I have no-one to ask.
I'm seriously thinking about going to see a qualified hypnotherapist/nlp specialist to dredge up my past to try and get some clarify because it's constantly on my mind and I think it's time to face whatever's happened but at the same time I don't want to crash.
Any advice would be great. Thank you, Sally
Sue Clarke says:
Hi Sally
I appreciate that you're feeling a lot of anxiety right now. It's a very anxious place to be when thoughts about not being able to remember your past are pre-occupying you, especially when you're worried that if you do remember, you'll find something horrible, which I think is where you are at the moment.
I have a suggestion. Before diving off into you past, how about we start with asking a few questions about your present? Sometimes feelings of fear and anxiety can be a signal from our unconscious that what we need to look closely at is the here and now.
So ...what's been happening lately that could have made you lose your normal self confidence? And also, what have you based your self belief on up to now, and what could have happened to make you start to question this?
Give yourself some time to think these questions through, and maybe ask a close and trusted friend for their opinion too - as sometimes our friends can see things that happen to us from a perspective that we completely miss. A good sense of perspective is really important right now.
You could explore this a little more by giving yourself 'happiness ratings' in the major areas in your life - like health, career, finances, friends and family, your sense of purpose and meaning and contribution, fun and social life, personal growth and creativity, romance and relationships, and any thing else that is important to you.
How good do you feel about each of these areas, on a scale of 1-10? Significantly, have any of these areas taken a particular dip in happiness lately, and what could that tell you about how you're feeling at the moment?
Another thing to consider is this: it's perfectly healthy to experience times in life when you need to re-evaluate what's important to you, what you value in life, what being on the planet is all about for you - and these times can sometimes make us feel profoundly vulnerable and shaky. Maybe this is one of those times for you.
The good news is that these times also provide the basis for tremendous growth spurts if we can stay with our anxiety long enough to carry out some serious self-study and listen to the insights we gain.
So, how about starting with asking yourself about your values, and how you are living them at the moment - and how you could be compromising them? Do your daily activities sufficiently embrace who and what you truly value?
If not, it can lead to an unnerving feeling of existential angst and the bottom can literally drop out of our sense of self-confidence and self-belief. Take your time on this - again, working with someone can be valuable, to help you focus and tease out what is most important for you.
If, after this, you still feel strongly that what you're experiencing will only be put to rest by finding out about your past, and the only way you can do this is by seeking professional assistance, then take the steps you need to take to move forward - find yourself a reputable practitioner, and book in.
Good luck!
Warm wishes
Sue
This is question 4 of 41
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