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When I go for what I want, I feel selfish
Answer by Mike Blissett
Gareth asks:
As a child I was always manipulated with guilt and so I always feel I don't have the right to succeed in life.I let people walk all over me and treat me with disrespect because I feel that if I don't I'm being arrogant. Also I rarely go for what I want in life as I feel I'm being selfish and bad if I do. Although I know these feelings are basically nonsense they are so deeply embedded in my mind that when they surface they have a powerful hold over me.
It's made getting on in life difficult and though I've done a lot to change, the thoughts keep coming back. The situation is very depressing.
Mike says:
I'm so pleased you got in touch. I had very similar feeling a few years ago and since coaching know that most people have the same to some degree. So, point one; you are not alone.
Write down a list of your beliefs. What do you believe about yourself? Are you kind, intelligent, a klutz, funny, a good friend? The list goes on. Don't stop until you get at least 20.
Now look through and pick out the negative and positive ones. Separate them.
Then one by one remember where the negative came from. Your mother? A school teacher? A friend? Where? They don't just arrive out of thin air. Are they still true of you, do they support you? Is it time to replace them with a new, more positive 2003 model. If so, do it.
Select an opposing, positive belief and write it down; for example, 'I am boring', might become, 'I'm such an interesting, fun, and intelligent guy' Believe it. Repeat it a million times a day - this will become your new 'self talk' Don't give up after a few days, make this permanent. If you have a bad day when you forget, don't beat yourself up about it, just get back on the positive and carry on.
It will work. Positive affirmations and self talk are proven, full stop.
I want to hear from the new, positive you soon - so keep in touch, okay?!
This is question 31 of 41
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