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How do I cope with Mum's illness?
Answer by Paula Farrell
Kate asks:
My mum's just been diagnosed with cancer for the second time and I feel totally devastated. I'm trying so hard to be positive and live in the present moment, but it's so hard. Obviously I'm putting on a brave face for mum and boosting her as much as possible, but I feel my personal tranquility and peace of mind is completely shattered. Can you help me at all with any strategies to stay positive and if possible regain that wonderful peace of mind that I was just perfecting? Many thanks.Paula Farrell says:
Dear Kate,
thank you for your email. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Of course you must be feeling devastated. Now is the time to make sure that you look after yourself so that you can support your mum as much as possible.
I'm so glad you mention staying in the present moment. Although that is a challenge for you it is essential because you will find that when your mind projects into the future - or falls into the past - you are likely to feel overwhelmed.
This will inevitably happen, so when it does, bring yourself immediately back to the present - look around you and notice your surrounding etc - and you will start to feel better again. Keep pulling yourself back.
I put this into practice myself when my own mother was ill, and it helped enormously.
Also, take care of your diet. You are much more likely to feel sad when you are hungry. Eat regularly so that your blood sugar remains constant. If feelings overwhelm you ask yourself "When did I last eat?" If it was more than 3 hours - have a healthy snack even if you don't feel like eating.
Sleep is so important too. Being over tired will compound your feelings. What does it take for you to get settled at bedtime?
Be selective about what you watch on TV or read in newspapers.
Seek out the company of friends/family that are supportive and perhaps limit contact with people that cause you to feel drained.
Lastly and equally as important, spend a few minutes each day breathing well. Sit comfortably with your back straight, close your eyes and observe your breathing. It is likely to be very shallow. After a minute or so, focus on extending the out-breath. When you breathe out fully, the in-breath takes care of itself. Breathe in and out through the nose slowly and gently.
Do this for a few minutes then go back to normal breathing.
Completing this cycle will pick you up and help to ground you in the present.
I hope this helps you,
Paula
Women's Health coach
This is question 2 of 41
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