Ask a Coach
All "Ask a Coach" Articles |Personal Answers
This is question 1 of 41
| Next >>
Moving on past depression
Answer by Francine Kaye
Liz asks:
I don't really know where to start - and that is a part of the problem. I came onto this site as I have read many self help books to try and help me. I have been diagnosed as a sufferer of clinical depression for more than 11 years but recently kicked myself off the medication and actually feel no worse for it. Trouble is I do feel unable to move forward, like many, I lack motivation, commitment but worse an inability to identify past, present or future passions, goals and generally what I want. All exercises rely on understanding what you really love to do and I just don't know.Francine Kaye says:
Hi Liz,
first huge respect and acknowledgement for getting off the anti-depressants and realising that they were not the cure and possibly not, in your case, not even a sticky plaster.
Immediately I know that you are so committed to having a great life and are now ready to ask for support in getting it. The fact is though that you still feel unable to move forward and lack motivation and I suspect this is the way you felt before being diagnosed with clinical depression.
Not knowing what you really want and being directionless makes life a bit pointless and this feeling will always lead to depression. The exercises you have tried to allow you to discover what you really want are pretty hard to do alone when you feel rather numb about yourself and your feelings.
Some people do really know deep down what they want and just need to believe its possible. These people are already three quarters of the way towards achieving their dreams because they do have a deep seated desire, but just lack the belief that it can happen.
However in your case it needs a lot more in depth digging in order for you to discover your true passion and basically what you were put here to do and be. The good news is, that everyone without exception has their own unique life purpose and you do too.
Discovering your values
In order to discover that life purpose you first have to know what's most important to you and what you absolutely must have in your life. When I coach people, we always begin by creating a solid foundations of these wants and needs.
They are called your values and once you know your own values and understand thenm, you'll see that by honouring them you will in fact have a blueprint that will act as compass point to give your life direction and meaning.
You begin to see that if you don't live your life in alignment with your personal values, and if you compromise your values then it will always lead to lack of fulfilment and in turn "depression."
You would be "depressing" your own personal ingredients that give your life meaning. My hunch is that you have probably been living your life according to everyone else's values and rules and have spent little time in honouring your own. This is your life, but here's the thing - if you don't know your own values, you will surely end up living by someone else's and then feel flat, resentful, unfulfilled and miserable.
Discovering you
It's time for you to do what it takes to find out what you want. I would suggest that you consider a two-hour values session with me so that I can help you to re-discover the real Liz that lies beneath the surface. I say re-discover because she is already there, it's just that so many layers of life have piled on top, it's been pretty hard to access her. Coaching acts as that access.
As a very experienced coach I have the skills to help you lift those layers. Once you know and understand your personal values, I believe that you will more easily be able to choose a path for yourself that will lead to happiness and fulfilment. Your passions will rise to the surface and the next steps will become almost obvious to you.
Or there is another option Liz. If you dont want to take a personal session just yet, how about attending my Designer Relationship workshop on Saturday 26th February 2005?
In a safe and confidential environment you can begin to discover some of your values especially around relationships, visit your "future partner" and get an idea of whats possible for you for your present and future as well as receiving some great communication tools to help you express your current needs and desires.
I hope these two options give you some food for thought. I truly believe (and so do hundreds of my clients) that in order to really live the life you want, you must first understand your own personal values. I often say "if your soul could speak it would articulate itself through your values" because your values express the very essence of who you are. You can contact me at francine@fionaharrold.com if you'd like to know more.
My warm wishes to you,
Francine Kaye
This is question 1 of 41
| Next >>
