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What do you want?

1. What don't you want?

What do you no longer want in your life? What no longer works? This should be straightforward enough. What do you no longer wish to tolerate, put up with, say 'Yes' to? Sometimes having more of what you want is only possible when you say no to what you don't want. List 5 things you definitely don't want. Clean up, clear out. Make room for something better.

Remember that what you wanted three years ago might not be what you want at present. Life moves on, you might want something different now.

2. What have you settled for?

What have you given up on that really matters?

One of the saddest things is to change what you want, rather than what you do, to accept things you never really set out to get in the first place, whether a lifestyle, a standard of living, an income, the lack of social or love life, or having no time with your family. Have you compromised on things that really matter to you rather than learn a new way to go about things?

Chose one thing that you need to focus on, one thing that's worth the effort. Admit it's important. Take it down off the shelf. Don't give up on it, or you.

3. What do you really want?

Answer this question: "If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?".

Don't worry about the how at this point. Give yourself the gift of five minutes out of your day to play with this question. Look at yourself, Stand back. Look through the keyhole at you, your life , from a distance. What stands out about this person? What's glaringly apparent about the intrinsic nature of this individual, their passions? What sort of books and magazines do they have? What sort of life would you expect this person to be living? Are you living it?

If you're not sure whether something like this is important, ask this question - "If I did nothing about this how would I feel looking back at the age of seventy-five?" If it doesn't really matter, you don't want it enough. If it does, you do.

4. Do you want what you have?

The grass isn't always greener. Constant craving makes you a good consumer. More things. more people, more holidays may be more of the same. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best, but you may already have it, for now. Single people want to be married. Married people want to be single. these may be your best years right now. Don't wait for hindsight to tell you so. Stop and think, What's really happening in your life right now that you don't appreciate, or even moan about?

5. Choose your influences

Select your conditioning. Garbage in, garbage out. What are you filling your head with? Pull back form looking at all celebrity magazines for at least a month. These perfect people are the ones most tormented with self-loathing, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse. Don't buy into the illusion that they have it all and you're the onlooker. You're better that that. Your own life is far more interesting.

Guard against wanting what the ad men need you to want. This season's 'most wanted' fringes bag or 'must have' folk-chic look will be 'so over' so soon. A man no less than La Rochefoucauld put it well when he wrote a few centuries ago: " It is by having what we like that we are made happy, not by having what others think desirable." Looking good and loving fashion is one thing, but draw a line.