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"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"
Abraham Lincoln

It’s hard to believe that the Christmas party season is just about to kick-off. For some of us it spells joy and excitement, whilst for others it spells dread and fear.

Why do some people find the whole social scene so fun and easy while others find it stressful? Are you someone who thrives on being in the spotlight, or do you shrink hoping that if you just “act” small enough nobody will even notice you’re there?

in the spotlight

Part of my work as a coach includes performance coaching. When individuals approach me for this aspect of coaching the same concerns come up over and over again;

• "I hate being in the spotlight"
• "I hate being the centre of attention"
• "I’d rather die than go to the party"
• "I just want it to be over"

My job is to coach them to act bigger so they will get noticed and enjoy getting noticed.

True or False? "People who perform well don’t get nervous"

Answer: False!

acting the part

You will be relieved to know almost everyone gets nervous, even the experts.  Katie Derham is one of ITV’s key news presenters.  She beams into our living rooms with confidence, a clear voice and delivers a polished performance.  She makes it look so easy. 

And yet she will admit to being terrified when faced with a much, much bigger challenge;  "Last year’s Classical BRIT Awards was possibly the most terrifying job I’ve ever done - my heart was in my mouth, but I absolutely loved it."

I was lucky enough to be there myself and she certainly didn’t "act" terrified even though she may have felt it.  She acted out the part of someone with great poise and confidence.

• Ask yourself right now what’s stopping you from acting out the part of the person you want to be?
• Who do you really want to be?
• What would you have to think, how would you have to behave to be that interesting, dynamic, confident person at the Christmas party?
• What old habits would you be prepared to ditch once and for all? 
• What new ones are you prepared to adopt?
• Do you really want to have fun or would it be more satisfying proving yourself right that the Party Season is "awful" "a nightmare" "boring" or whatever else you may be duping yourself into believing.

My training as an actor has helped me over the years overcome my social fears and I firmly believe you can overcome yours if you allow yourself to act the part. 

re-write the script

If your beliefs about yourself aren't helping you create a more flamboyant, confident person then you owe it to yourself to run a check on your perspective of yourself - and if it isn’t powerful enough, then re-write the script.  It’s all down to you.

This has been proved over and over again on popular television programmes such as "Faking it."  Ask yourself if you are settling for less than you are capable off.

Perhaps you are so firmly locked into beliefs such as "I never know what to say" "everyone always looks better than me", "everyone else will be so much younger or more attractive." 

We could all choose to think like this, but I can guarantee you that those who adopt a much more positive attitude will have a much more positive experience of the same situation such as an office Christmas party. 

So, no more excuses! If you are heading for a Christmas party, decide to make it the experience you want it to be.