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Relationship Blindspots
What’s your Relationship Blind Spot?
If you are not in a relationship and you want to be, chances are you have a blind spot that stops you getting what you want.
Fiona and I were talking about this very subject in light of The Relationship SOS workshop on Saturday 10th March. Fiona pointed out that on the site statistically we hear of more women who have this issue than men. We know that many of our female clients are ready to meet Mr Right and can’t seem to find him.
We believe there is a reason for this. It’s because of your Relationship Blind Spot. Your relationship blind spot is something that only your very best friend or a great relationship coach will notice and have the courage to tell you about.
So in the name of love and romance, we have decided to point out some of the blind spots we have observed which may be standing in the way of finding the love you desire.
However Gentleman you are not off the hook. We need your help. We want to know from you if our suggestions below are valid and if you have any other comments to add.
We want to eradicate everyone’s relationship blind spots so that cupid can set his arrow straight throughout 2007. We believe that there is a special someone for everyone and that’s why we would love all our Ladies and Gentleman to join us at Relationship SOS to discover the Secrets of Successful Relationship.
Relationship Blind Spot Number One
Talk Less
We make no apologies for our boldness. Some ladies just don’t know when to keep quiet. We have both observed women who talk too much.
Perhaps this is because they want to appear witty and interesting, perhaps they just want to be liked or perhaps it’s because their dates are quiet.
It’s just not necessary to fill all the gaps in conversation and twitter on about any old nonsense until you bore yourself as well as your date. I recently saw a guy in a bar that had the glazed expression of someone whose ears had virtually fallen off from wear and tear. Far better to listen.
Listening is the art of great conversation and listening is what first dates are all about. The beauty listening at a deeper level is that you hear what the other person is telling you about themselves.
This is very different to listening, but making up in your own head what you think the other person is talking about.
By listening carefully you will discover what’s most important to your date and discover if he actually has the same interests and values that you have.
Asking him questions such as how he chose his career, what he likes to do outside of work and where he would most like to live will give you an insight into who this person really is. It’s not about you impressing him. It’s about you finding out what he is all about so you have the clues to evaluate your compatibility.
Thankfully we have two ears and one mouth. All we have to do is use them in the right proportion.
Relationship Blind Spot Number Two
Hold the Alcohol
Drinking too much will create a dating disaster. You may be downing the drink to take away your nervousness, but you’ll probably end up talking too much, acting inappropriately or at the very least making yourself vulnerable.
Women who drink too much are sending out some very mixed messages. Good time girls may be fun but most men don’t consider them a long term prospect.
Staggering to the toilets after one too many is not a good look. Most men don’t find this attractive. Unless you want to invite unsolicited advances, it’s totally irresponsible to drink too much on a first date.
Stick to a spritzer or one glass of red if you must but stay in control so you can get yourself home alone.
Relationship Blind Spot Number Three
Get in Shape
This is something that even your best friend would be wary of telling you. The truth is Slim is in and Fat just ain't where it’s at. Fact - men like shapely women. Fat around the middle has never been a ‘must have’ for most men.
Of course you are not expected to be Lily Cole, but think Marilyn Monroe. Waists are wonderful. Think Subtly Sexy. Think Renee Russo in The Thomas Crown Affair.
Men are visual creatures. They are attracted to the shape of a woman. Make the most of your best features and plan to diminish the areas that are more than a handful.
Every woman I have ever met has told me how fabulous they feel when they are fit. How many times do we hear of women who leave a dead relationship only to cut their hair, lose weight and change their wardrobe?
They get themselves ready to reconnect with their femininity and face the world of dating with confidence. Stop comfort eating, learn some commonsense ways to stay fit and eat healthily, and shape up.
Relationship Blind Spot Number Four
Prize Yourself
Never drive miles, jump on trains or even catch planes to meet a date.
I have had clients who have done all three. No, No, No!
First rule of thumb is to make it easy on yourself to meet a date and leave afterwards. If you work in town, meet there before you go home. If you live miles apart make sure he travels the furthest distance or simply rule him out.
Geographically inaccessible men are a pain to maintain. Fiona points out that a first ‘date’ should be kept to a relatively short meeting. Be radical – just plan an hour together.
Both of you are busy people. An hour will be enough to spark both your interests and more than enough if your date is less than fascinating. Being too accommodating from the get go sends out the wrong signals. Make your date work harder than that.
Begin as you mean to carry on and we wont have to stamp ‘doormat’ on your forehead in few years time. Remember when you made most of the effort for a date? In what way did that benefit you down the line?
A first date is a living snapshot which allows you to build a more complete picture. If you like what you see, next time you’ll allow him to come and pick you up. After all as the advert so famously says “you’re worth it”!
Relationship Blind Spot Number Five
Don’t Chase. Ever.
Never, ever chase. There is nothing scarier to man than a needy woman. It tells him three things:
- One - you are totally available
- Two - he can mess you about because you need him more than he needs you at this stage and finally;
- Three - you want to get married and have his babies.
After the first meeting/date don’t even call or text. Fiona points out that this is much too personal. Email is far less ‘in your face’. A simple email stating “Thank you, I had a lovely time”, is quite enough to keep the door open.
Do not waffle on about what you thought of the venue, his charm or how nice it would be to meet up again. If he wants to pursue you, I can assure you he will find a way.
History shows that if a man is interested in you, he will do the chasing. Don’t deny him his hunting instinct. It’s what they do best and it’s much more feminine to be the pursued rather than the pursuer.
So there you are. Obviously the above is not a comprehensive list of dating disasters. You’ll have more to add and we want to hear about them. Join me at Relationship SOS for some fun, some new dating skills and strategies and find out the Secrets of Successful Relationships.
