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Is Family Time Evaporating?
A client of mine recently expressed a wish for her home to be a bit more like the Walton’s. Remember that wonderful TV world where Mum was always cleaning and baking and everyone sat down to their meals together?
They all spent time sharing what they’d done during the day and talked to each other when they had a problem to solve.
She went on to say that she just didn’t see how it was possible in today’s busy world to live anything like the Walton’s, but she would have loved to have the time to do so. Her dilemma is not unusual.
Parental Guilt
Many parents feel they don’t spend enough time with their children because of longer working hours and time spent commuting to and from work, as well running a household.
Children are pulled away from the home as well; on the average, they have more homework, are involved in more extra-curricular activities and spend more time outside the home than they did 40 years ago. During an ordinary work day, the average parent spends 10 1/2 hours working and commuting, at least 10 hours doing housework and sleeping and less than two hours of quality time with their children.
Just being in the house at the same time as your kids are doesn’t necessarily mean you’re enjoying quality time together. Television has become a major source of separation within the family.
Too many family members spend more time in front of the television than they do relating to one another. In addition, computers, video games and telephones eat up a big chunk of family hours. Fewer and fewer families have regular family dinners together, go to a place of worship together or have family traditions and routines that they share on a frequent basis.
Time spent in this way is taking its toll. In addition to the climbing divorce rates, busy schedules and conflicting needs contribute to the deterioration in the sense of family closeness that helps children stay on the right track. Parents feel more frustrated, emotionally drained and distant from their children. Without careful consideration and deliberate changes in our priorities, the family will lose its meaning.
Prioritising your Family Time
So how do you make time for your family and still have time to work and play?
A friend of mine recently asked me two questions “do you ever rest?” and “how do you find enough time to spend with your family?" It seemed to her that whenever she called me I was always working. She was surprised when I assured her that I had time for both.
I can understand why she felt compelled to ask. I easily work a 50-hour week, am training as a Family Mediator, run a Time Management training arm of my business and coach clients on a daily basis.
On the other hand, I make sure that I do have at least four meals each week with my 19 and 16 year old; that I do make time to listen and talk with them, and I do have wonderful breaks abroad and plenty of time for my partner of 10 years.
So how do I manage it? How do I keep my family life strong, my relationship blossoming and my rest time sacred and still have time to work.
Time to Choose
I’ve learned over the years that it’s not possible to make time for everything but I can make time for what’s most important to me. I have found that one of the easiest ways to prioritise my time is to ask myself this question “what most important to me in my life?”
What must I have? What do I value most?
For me it’s my family and my partner. So I have made some specific choices that allow me to do just that. One of decisions I made was to put my some of my many hobbies on hold.
This is a common starting point for those who choose to prioritise their families first. I had to admit that I simply could not keep up with all the hobbies I used to pursue if I wanted quality time with my kids. I’m an avid learner and could easily be tempted to attend many seminars per year. It's not that I’ve stopped my love of learning, but I’m really choosy about the benefits of what I choose now and I choose very wisely.
I don’t feel that I am sacrificing my hobbies time because I am choosing to spend it elsewhere. I know that as older teens, I have limited time to spend with my kids. They have lives of their own, so I choose to make time now while it's on offer.
I know a man who loved golf. As you know, a game of golf takes very long time. He was a top-notch golfer. He gave his clubs away when his first-born son arrived. He prioritised his must haves and they turned out to be time with his son and time with his wife.
At some point many of us will choose to put on hold something we genuinely enjoy for the sake of a greater more substantial joy.
Turn off the Telly
Another “must have” for me is my writing. I love to write. However what I am writing doesn’t always have a deadline. As I write this its 9pm. I have had dinner with my kids. We always have this at the table with the TV firmly off.
After dinner I had a brainstorming session with my daughter who is planning a social event, listened to my son rehearse his lines as Demitrius in Midsummer’s Nights Dream and I’m now ready to put in an hour or so writing this article for the newsletter, and another piece.
I am choosing not to watch television (although I admit I saw Eastenders) and having a break from the computer has left me more refreshed to continue. The point is that I am really choosing where and how to spend my evening.
“Leave it in the Car”
There will be occasions for most of us where we need to bring work home to do at the weekend or in the evening. To solve this dilemma, leave your briefcase, files, or anything else that you have brought home from work in the boot of your car.
You can easily grab what you need and bring it inside at the appropriate time. Out of sight, out of mind. If family time is important to you, you don’t want to be distracted by your briefcase in the hall.
Be disciplined enough to choose to invest your time in the family first and foremost. No one ever used their dying breath to say they wished they’d spent more time at work.
Start to make choices about your productivity and your investment in family life. Bring changes into your routine little by little until they are second nature. In time, you'll find that you have more time for what’s most important to you and for the people you care about the most.
It really is up to you.
