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Live Life With Passion - From The Independent On Sunday
This article was first published in The Independent On Sunday on 24th July 2005.
Jennifer's Question:
Hello Fiona,
My question is "How can I find out what I really want to do with my life?" I've spent so many years of my life trying various things which I'm reasonably good at, but still haven't discovered the one thing that I'm really passionate about.
It's becoming quite problematic, and added to it I've recently turned 40 and had a baby. I've read that you should do something you really love, or develop a hobby you really love, but again I'm not even sure of what these might be anymore.
Jennifer Brody, 40, from Dorset
Fiona Replies:
Hi Jennifer,
You are not alone! Your quest for meaning and passion is shared by many readers of this newspaper in the letters that I’ve received. I’ve come up with a Plan for you that will also be relevant to everyone eager to live a more passionate life.
Passion
Passion doesn’t have to come through work, but given the time it takes up in our lives, it makes sense to combine the two. And don’t think life would be automatically better if you didn’t have to work. Some of my clients are individuals whose family wealth means they don’t have to do a day’s work in their life.
Nonetheless, they still have to figure out what they can do for fulfilment and often envy those of us who have the structure and discipline of earning a living. So it’s true, money doesn’t buy everything!
Here’s my Plan for Passion:
1 You Do Know What You Want
Stop telling yourself that you don’t, otherwise you’ll convince yourself it’s true. Everyone knows what they want, though it may be buried under layers of self-doubt, fear and other people’s opinions.
Assume with me that you know exactly what you want. Be courageous and admit the truth to yourself. Now what is it? You may have the answer in front of you. If not, proceed to step 2.
2 Stop And Think
A wise person once said that there isn’t a problem that can’t be fixed by sitting in quiet contemplation. I agree. Thrashing around looking to all and sundry, canvassing other’s opinions makes it impossible to hear yourself think.
Now you have a baby, your scope for quiet moments is under pressure. Nonetheless, everyone can find 15 minutes of downtime to stop and think.
Don’t give yourself an agenda during this time. Simply, enjoy the experience of allowing your thoughts to pass on by and your entire system to calm down and unwind. Keep a notepad by your side to jot down persistent thoughts or insights. Over time you’ll develop inner awareness and clarity.
3 Define Passion
Reaching 40 and not experiencing passion puzzles me. Are you saying that you’ve never experienced a moment, a time of feeling utterly, completely alive, when you felt truly ‘you?’ What are you expecting from passion? If you’re expecting a continual high, you’ll be disappointed.
The thrill of passion may drive you in a particular direction, but the day-to-day reality of doing the work is often and unavoidably more mundane. I was a parliamentary candidate at the last General Election and, however passionate I may be about green politics, handing out leaflets outside tube stations is pretty tedious, but it just had to be done, all part of the job of saving the planet.
Be careful that you’re not being unrealistic about the workaday expression of your conviction.
4 Forget About Money
Imagine you’ve won the lottery and you never have to do another day’s work in your life. After the shopping and the holiday, what would you do? What would you do if you didn’t have to do anything?
However idealistic your answers, take note. You’re getting a glimpse of your ideal life. Hold on to the images and resolve to bring some of them to life, either as part of your working life or outside of work. Getting paid for your contribution is undeniably handy, but the vital thing is to bring these changes into your life.
Begin now.
5 Understand Your Essence
What lies at the heart of you? Who are you at your core? What really matters to you?
Think about it like this: if you were imprisoned for a long stretch, what would you still do? What would you not stop doing? It may be something specific like singing, writing or keeping fit or something less obvious such as inspiring and motivating others.
This is what is absolutely vital to you to have in your life. It’s part and parcel of who you are. It’s your very essence. Chances are you’re already doing this to some extent in your life already. A meaningful life depends on you expressing these intrinsic impulses.
And now you don’t need to be locked away to get in touch with the Real You!
Express yourself Jennifer!
