Home > Articles > Motivation > Rule Number 1: Be Passionate
Rule Number 1: Be Passionate
Passion is the driving force behind every significant human achievement from discovering the light bulb to defeating Hitler.
A successful life has to be underpinned by passion; otherwise you’re building your life on shaky foundations, which may well require restructuring later on. Money and all that it buys cannot reach the parts that passion can. Some of the most unfulfilled and frustrated people I’ve ever come across have had everything money can buy yet don’t feel satisfied or fulfilled. There’s something missing. It’s called passion.
I’m not suggesting that we can ignore money. Clearly, providing for ourselves is an intrinsic part of a successful life, and, as my brother Brian is wont to point out, it certainly helps when you go to the shops!
However, in the hunt for happiness, money alone is not the answer. Study after study shows record levels of dissatisfaction with modern life. Young people, in particular, enjoying the highest living standards since records began, are deeply miserable during the proverbial ‘best years of their lives’. Two thirds of Britons aged between 18 and 35 feel depressed or unhappy, says a major survey carried out a few years ago by analysts Publicis.
Another study published recently reports that eight out of ten young high-flyers in Britain are suffering a ‘quarter-life crisis’. They feel disillusioned by their jobs and are re-evaluating what they want from life. Ninety per cent of those questioned – men and women aged 25 to 35 – are seeking careers which would add purpose to their lives.
Julia Middleton, chief executive of Common Purpose, the leadership development organisation which commissioned the report, said: “Emerging leaders want to make a good living, but they also want to make a difference …They will not stay with employers who do not support their efforts to find purpose in their lives…In an attempt to satisfy their longing to make a difference, they often drop out of their fast track or job-hop.”
There’s just no mistaking this change in our outlook. We want more out of life, and money can’t buy it. I believe that the key thing most of us are missing, is passion.
To be Happy, you need to be Passionate
A Happy Life is what we’re all after. What’s the secret? Is there a formula? One man who has spent 30 years and $30m researching these questions is Martin Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania He has worked out what he sees as a blueprint for happiness. He believes there are three routes to happiness, which he calls the “pleasant life”, the “good life” and the “meaningful life”.
The pleasant life sees superficial pleasures as the key to happiness, and it is this that many people mistakenly pursue, he says. “The biggest mistake that people in the rich west make is to be enchanted with the Hollywood idea of happiness, which is really just giggling and smiling a lot.” While a life bent on instant pleasure and gratification offers some degree of happiness, it is ultimately unsatisfying on its own, he says.
Seligman believes that money isn’t the answer either. He reports that once we have enough to pay for life’s basics such as food and a roof over our heads, more money adds little to our happiness.
To be seriously happy, Seligman says, we have to aim for the good life and the meaningful life. And here is the formula. Firstly, you have to identify what he terms your ‘signature strengths’, your intrinsic talents and strengths, which could be anything from perseverance and leadership to an ability to entertain others. Using those strengths in our working and social life will help us achieve what he calls a good life.
But the most underrated of all, according to Seligman, is the meaningful life – devoting oneself to an institution or cause greater then oneself. In a now classic exercise Seligman calls ‘Philanthropy versus Fun’, psychology students in one of his classes undertook to engage in one pleasurable activity and one philanthropic activity, and write about both. The results, he claims, were ‘life changing’.
The afterglow of the fun activity (watching a film, eating ice cream) paled in comparison with the effects of the kind action (volunteering at a soup kitchen, helping at the school fair). The reason, Seligman suggests, is that kindness is a gratification. ‘It calls on your strengths to rise to an occasion and meet a challenge. Kindness… consists in total engagement and in the loss of self-consciousness.’
What Should I Do With My Life?
A sense of purpose brings passion into your life. It gives it meaning and you’ll avoid the quarter-life, mid-life or any other life crisis. The only good thing about a crisis is that at least it might get you thinking, but how much better to be aware of your purpose and passionate about it without the angst!
Aligning your purpose with your signature strengths is the sure-fire route to personal fulfilment and a successful life. Knowing that you’re living out your potential and fullest expression of yourself puts you in very good company as well.
A sense of purpose is at the very top of the pyramid of personal fulfilment created by Abraham Maslow more than 50 years ago. Through his research, Dr Maslow discovered that those who feel purposeful are expressing the highest qualities that humanity has to offer.
The question, ‘What Should I do with my Life?’ is at the heart of all our lives, one of the most common that I come across in talks and workshops. Often, people have been so driven or drained by the sheer pace of their life that this is their only opportunity to think through this question. It’s the ‘too busy earning a living to get a life’ dilemma
An enforced retreat from one’s life can provide the time for reflection one is looking for. Whilst it may not be your first choice, a prison sentence can give you that time out that you’ve not given yourself!
I received a letter recently from James, 41, who is serving a 4-year sentence for insider share dealing and his enforced thinking time was proving invaluable. Life on the outside had been frantic as he had built up a successful career in property and finance, married and had two children. His career success had given him a tremendous standard of living.
When I heard from him, he was clear that he had committed a crime, was paying the price and was determined to put that time-out to the best possible use. He was reading every motivation and self-help ever written, and was taking an Open University degree in Psychology. He had begun to coach his fellow inmates, using my first book, Be Your Own Life Coach.
He was discovering a genuine talent for motivating and inspiring others to take responsibility and get to grips with their lives. He was coaching men who had been imprisoned for 15 years to take training courses, and figure out how they were going to ‘go straight’ once they got released.
Intrigued, I went to visit him and saw that he had become the resident coach for the entire prison. New prisoners were directed to his cell so he could work with them from the outset, while those nearing their release date worked intensely with him to plan their new life.
He explained how the UK has some of the worst reoffending rates in the world and that only the sort of personal coaching he was carrying out could change this. His vision was to work with me to bring this about and in doing so transform the reoffending and crime rate throughout the country. The benefit to all of us is obvious.
He was a superb example of someone using their strengths and talents to the full to achieve something meaningful, living a purpose-driven life. He was one of the most driven and passionate individuals I’d ever met. And far happier and fulfilled than many, many people on the ‘outside’.
How ironic is it that in workshops I have often asked people what they’d do if they were locked up in prison! It’s a great question to get you focused on what’s really important to you and what your signature strengths are. In a moment, I’ll talk you through an exercise to clarify your passion and purpose, but first I want to introduce you to the wonderful Kally Ellis.
Kally is the founder of top London florists, McQueen’s, a favourite of Gwyneth Paltrow and Elton John’s and shops like Gucci, Hermes, Bulgari and Cartier. For ten years she’s been the florist at the most glamorous bash in the world, the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party in Hollywood.
Along with her business partner, Ercole Moroni, she runs two shops, a floristry school and is poised to open a lifestyle retreat in Italy. She began her career working in a French bank in London’s financial district. Losing her best friend in the Lockerbie plane disaster made her re-evaluate her life.
Kally Ellis
‘I woke up one morning having had this incredibly vivid dream, looking down a tunnel I could see nothing but a flower shop. The dream – it felt like a vision, really – came as a thunderbolt. I woke determined to resign from the job I loathed and set up a flower shop. I found myself thinking, “Yes, that’s it. You’ve got to run your own flower business.” I had no experience or relevant business skills but spent the next three months learning floral skills, while I still worked at the bank. I did freelance work for no pay at local florists at weekends, and on one of those jobs – to decorate a Christmas tree, met my business partner, Ercole Moroni. It then took me 3 months to find that first shop.
I thought, “It’s now or never. I’ve got to do this”. I was 27 when I started McQueen’s. I never believed it was going to fail. It never crossed my mind. The weirdest thing is I didn’t even have a passion for flowers when I was growing up. But year’s ago in Paris, I was completely mesmerised at how a tiny, local florists could hand-tie a bouquet from a simple bunch of tulips. In those days, that was unheard of in Britain. I was completely bowled over by this and was sure so many others would be too. People didn’t realise how much more beautiful things can look. If you don’t show people then they don’t know it’s there.
I ignored everybody’s advice and thought; I’ve got to do this. When we opened in 1991, it was the height of the recession and flowers were a luxury item. Analyst friends of mine in the City warned me against it. But there was a complete burning desire inside me to do it. I thought if it fails, it fails. At least I did it.
So I stormed ahead like a bull in a china shop and I think it was purely my ignorance of not really knowing what was ahead that pulled me through. If I had done loads of research I would never have done it. It’s kind of scary looking back. Some of those friends in the City have subsequently been made redundant.
We opened our first shop in Shoreditch, East London on 1st January 1991. Although my Italian business partner is completely dyslexic, phone phobic and unable to deal with people unless he’s face-to-face with them, he is incredibly creative and I learned so much from him.
Our window displays were spectacular. Lots of people would get a glimpse as they went by in their cars, or on the bus, so we got a lot of phone calls. The entire business was built on word of mouth.
My business partner is fantastic. Although Ercole is completely dyslexic, phone phobic and unable to deal with people unless he’s face-to-face with them, he is incredibly creative and I learned so much from him.
My passion has always kept me moving forward, never looking back and never standing still. I am always on the move, always looking for that next thing. And so, McQueen’s grew very rapidly. There are now 25 of us.
Mind you, in the beginning it was touch and go. We took over a plant landscaping business in Shoreditch that had a small flower annex but no passing trade due to one of the first red routes in London being painted right outside our door! It was a failing business with humungous debts and bad press. We even took on it’s name; McQueen’s. Looking back, it was an incredibly stupid thing to do.
I had £14,000 in savings to invest but inherited a £40,000 debt from an unknown East End florists, who clearly didn’t have a clue. They’d even fallen out with the flower market due to their bouncing cheques. We turned the business around in one year.
We simplified the whole approach to floristry, creating a contemporary, minimal but clean look, which appealed. We revealed the simplicity and beauty of one type of flower and how it could be displayed. And our reputation led on to more and more press interest culminating in a recent one-hour television documentary programme called Celebrity Florists.
The success has entailed working from the early hours in the morning until late at night. It is a big commitment with a young family and you have to put the work in. I nearly didn’t grasp it but we pulled it off. And it was great fun as well. By the end of the first year, our debts were paid off and we were showing a small profit.
I thank God every day because I love the business I’m in.
I wake up every day and I love going to work. I’m one of those very few lucky people I know who absolutely adores what I do. It’s not about the money, or the success. It’s because I love working with flowers and I love the pleasure it gives people. I love taking flowers home to my mum at the end of the week. It’s just fantastic.
I always say yes. I’ve never ever thrown business away. If I can hold onto it, I will. Ten years ago I helped someone out and it paid off. Vanity Fair magazine had flown a celebrity French florist over to do the flowers for their Oscar party at The Serpentine Gallery in London. This was to be a VIP dinner-dance with A-list guests. The Guest of Honour was Diana, Princess of Wales (in that black dress, remember?).
He only brought over two helpers when the event required a team of twenty and he didn’t even know where the flower market was. Through a convoluted chain of events, we were asked if we could save the day. I remember thinking, am I ready for this, I’ve never done anything on this scale before, but then I just thought, actually, yes, I am.
So, we got loads of freelancers on board, worked around the clock and the organiser was delighted with our work. It’s now our 10th year of doing the Vanity Fair Oscar Party flower’s. This has led onto the Cannes Film Festival every year, the new Tribeca Film Festival in New York, and next year we do the Venice Biennial.
I love everything I do and am truly grateful that I took that dream seriously.’
Kally’s story reads like a fairy tale. Yet, one of the things that impressed me most about her when we met was her focus, drive and unrelenting appetite for hard work. Driven by the dream, she was nonetheless entirely realistic about making the business work with no romantic notions that the success would magically materialise.
She demonstrates forcefully the winning combination of passion coupled with dynamic action. Passion and having a vision for your life is vital for driving your life forwards. Harnessing that passion to relentless action is key. Observe how Kally paid attention to her dream. Whether you see it as divine intervention or her own inner wisdom, what’s interesting is that she took it seriously and acted on the feeling it gave her, ‘I woke determined to resign from the job I loathed and set up a flower shop.’
How often do people ignore this inner guidance, suppress the yearning and forget the dream? How often do they dismiss their desires as impossible and unrealistic? Settling for what’s safe and feels secure may provide some comfort, but could also rob you of your dreams and joie de vivre. George Bernard Shaw said,
‘The reasonable man adapts himself to the conditions that surround him. The unreasonable man adapts surrounding conditions to himself. All progress depends on the unreasonable man.’
This is an extract from Chapter One of Fiona Harrold's new book, "The 7 Rules Of Success" out 2nd January 2006, and available from us now here.
