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Top Tips for Christmas Confidence
Feeling fabulous throughout the festive season doesn’t just happen, we make it happen. The good news is that anyone can become more confident, more glamorous and enjoy this, the most wonderful of seasons. You don’t have to start work months before.
My five top tips are designed to raise your self esteem and get you ready for the perfect party this Yuletide. By following these simple steps you won’t just feel more confident at the party, you’ll positively glow; exceptional in all departments is where we’re heading.
1. Choose Your Beliefs
What do you believe concerning Christmas and parties? Do you fear engaging in small talk? Guests not mixing well, perhaps? Or is it that you imagine nobody will notice you and you’ll be left standing like a wallflower in the corner. Not very empowering, are they?
I want you to list all the beliefs you have about Christmas. Everything. Don’t try to censor yourself; just let it all roll out. Spend as long as you like on this.
Now, look back at those beliefs and separate the positives from the negatives. For example; ‘I know the party’s going to be loads of fun’ sounds pretty good, whereas, ‘I know I’m just going to be left alone and feel neglected’ is pretty negative, right?
Ask yourself what evidence there is for an unhelpful belief still to be part of your repertoire. If it’s as a result of something that happened 5 years ago, does that justify still knocking yourself over the head with it today? Even if for some much more recent event, then still to hang on to it without deciding to move on would seem illogical. So, decide right here to move on, clear out those old negative beliefs; premiere the new you.
For each unhelpful belief make a conscious effort to crush it, get rid of it, and say ‘goodbye’ and good riddance. A really effective way to achieve that and get instant results is to box it! Just write down the unhelpful belief, draw a box around it, look at it and feel the energy it’s still giving you. Terrible, huh? Next, draw two big strong lines right through the words and write over the top in big letters; DELETED. Because that is what you’ve done, deleted the old belief. Believe it, look at it and know that the old belief is now gone, it has left you’re set of values and beliefs, forever.
What we need to do now is fill the space that has been left with a new, more empowering belief. A belief in keeping with the new you - December 2003; vibrant, strong, vivacious. Don’t forget, you are creating this new belief with confidence and clarity, unlike the old one that somehow sneakily hooked up with you when you were least aware. So, make this one wonderful. You now can choose who you are, how you feel, and who you want to be for the future.
2. Look Sensational
Presentation is paramount. Looking sensational should be seen as a prerequisite of life in general, though of course it increases its importance tenfold at Christmastime. What do you see when you look in the mirror? Again, with only a few weeks to go we are not talking surgery, a whole new gym chiselled body, or a Barbados tan (but maybe that could be arranged)…
I hope you’ve read through and digested the fabulous comments and suggestions from Joy, Fiona’s style coach. To look fabulous is absolutely needed, and the mistake most of us make is the belief that we only need look good for other people, when we’re out, or when we’re ‘on show’ at some event.
Not so.
The first person you should be looking your best for is you. We all accept nowadays that we are what we eat, that what we are depends on how well we take care of our body, but we are also what we see in the mirror. What we feel about ourselves; looks, health, and style wise, is important.
With that in mind, take a good look at you. Anything need changing? A new dress or shirt perhaps? Dry cleaning should be done in good time so as to relieve any undue pressure at finding a smelly, creased garment in the back of the wardrobe on the day of the party. Do your shoes look shabby, saying that last year should really have been their last? Do they even suit your outfit and image? Be honest with yourself.
Joys’ guide goes into much more depth regarding style and styling, and again I can’t insist too much the importance of getting this part of your preparation for a fabulous Christmas party right. You know you owe it to yourself.
3. Rehearse Fabulousness
What’s good for superstars, successful athletes, businessmen, and World leaders is good enough for you. What do they have in common? They rehearse whatever it is that is scheduled to happen in their mind first. Even more; they rehearse their best case scenario – the successful outcome they want.
That is what I want you to do. Whatever is coming up, a candlelight date, a friends party that’ll be full of strangers, a family gathering, or the antics of an office knees up; run through the best way you want it to be in your mind. Get graphic. Don’t spend two minutes between taking calls. This is you we’re talking about, and we both know you’re worth more than that.
So, 30 minutes twice a day, minimum. Run the scene in your head. Who will you talk to? What subject will you talk about? Will you be laughing and confident (of course, that’s a ‘yes’)? What will you be wearing, drinking, how will your hair be? Are you going to pamper yourself with a half-day spa beforehand, maybe inviting a few friends along? Will you dance at the party? If so, what kind of music will play? How sexy will you look?
What we’re doing here is putting in place a rock solid, absolutely certain tool to guarantee you have the perfect party. The secret is to rehearse – mentally! If at first the movie doesn’t look good, if you get nervous, if panic sets in, go back and have a check on your beliefs (they can pop up whenever, so the box exercise is a good tool to keep in reserve for always). If the scene still doesn’t look good, change it.
Remember, you’re the director of your own movie. Make it a classic. Do it. Believe it. Make your party wonderful, make your evening fabulous, and make sure you are the star of the show.
Copy the Stars, and win your very own Oscar!
4. Small Talk
Lost for words when talking to a stranger in a room full of people? Not sure what to do during a pregnant pause? Oh, and how about chat up lines?
All the above put most people in a state of shock and panic long before the situation ever arises. Why? It is that we somehow raise our expectations to such an unattainable degree that there is just no way anyone would ever be able to feel relaxed if faced with the same situation. In short, we plan to fail when we should plan to succeed.
Again, we should begin with looking at what beliefs we hold about our conversation with others at parties. Do we believe we’re an absolute klutz in the small talk department? If so, you know the first thing you need do is change those beliefs.
Secondly, we re-enforce and support our new, positive beliefs. What would you talk about? Do you naturally have a handle on small talk? If not, get writing again. List all your favourite subjects, things you’re interested in, subjects you have a handle on. What would they be? Current events, politics, alternative health, pop music, sport, women in the media? Anything. Realise you know a lot, that you have a wide range of interests, and celebrate it. If you feel you need to expand a little more then read through your favourite magazine or newspaper; taking on an extra perspective.
Then chat with those you come into contact with from now on. But become aware of what you are saying. Include some of the subjects you’ve listed. Mix and match, see what works and what doesn’t, areas you feel more confident with and others you don’t.
What you are doing is rehearsing your small talk. Remember; chatter at parties and gatherings is no different than at the bus stop, in the supermarket, or having a drink at your local gym. It is the same. To suddenly place it aloft a high pedestal will just shake you up unnecessarily at a time when to feel confidence is needed.
5. Have Fun!
The Christmas party, date, gathering, or whatever is supposed to be fun. Remember that. It isn’t meant to be slow torture, so relax and enjoy what should be one of the best times of the year. There will never be a better time when everyone will be on the same wavelength.
Who knows, the fun you have now could become infectious and you’ll want to carry it on for always, and what would be wrong with that. Imagine; whenever a party were to come up in the future you’d be in there immediately with both feet, accepting the invitation, knowing you’ll have a fabulous time and look a million dollars into the bargain.
Christmas is a time for sharing, so share the fabulous new you with everyone. Confidence is infectious. Believe me, you’ll be the bell of the ball.
Have a fabulous Christmas. Enjoy yourself. Keep in touch and tell me how you get on.
