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Change How You Feel About How You Look
Open any gossip magazine and the pages are full of have they or haven’t they plastic surgery intrigue. Turn to the back of the upmarket glossies to find page upon page of enticing breast, nose and even buttock enhancement ads. Switch on the TV and gasp in horror at the extreme makeover shows.
There’s no getting away from it. As a nation, we’re obsessed with changing the way we look.
I’m not talking about the fleeting “does my bum look big in this?” moment in the changing room mirror. Things have become much more serious. The current issue of Vogue features a lifestyle census, completed by hundreds of 21st Century women.
Dissatisfaction
The results are worrying but perhaps not surprising. A huge number of modern women are seriously dissatisfied with the way they look, with 87% of readers stating that they would like to change something about their bodies.
As an image coach, I endorse these statistics wholeheartedly. Most clients are anxious to point out their physical flaws. They usually have a lot more difficulty naming their good points!
My clients range in age from 15 to 80, and from size 6 to size 22, and as you may have guessed, a feeling of satisfaction with one’s body has little to do with our physical reality.
As quirky model Erin O’Connor puts it:
“It’s easier to accept what you have than not to. I’m at peace with my body – it’s different when you look at it in a psychological way.”
The good news is that if you really want to, you can change the way you feel about your looks forever. I’m talking about real, lasting change. For this type of image transformation, you don’t need to pick up so much as a hairbrush. This transformation begins within. Often, I start by asking clients to think back to their childhood.
Negative Comments
Do you remember the playground chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? Even as a child, I knew this to be a lie. Name-calling does hurt. That’s why bullies do it.
Not only can it hurt at the time, but often, we hang on to negative labels and continue to let them hurt in our adult life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Close your eyes for a moment, and take yourself back to your childhood.
Can you bring to mind a negative comment you received about the way you looked? Got at least one?
I have. As a teenager, I was called “cod eyes” by my friends. You’ve seen my photo. I DO have very large eyes. Luckily, I had a savvy mum who sat me down in front of a mirror and forced me to see my mocked feature as one of my assets.
Challenging Misconceptions
Unfortunately, not everyone is this lucky. I recently coached an exceptionally attractive woman in her late 40s. She was petite, slim and gamine. I noticed she kept referring to her "mannish" shoulders. After a while, I felt I needed to challenge her misconception.
Some unpicking followed, after which she came to realise that her false and negative view was based on a throwaway comment made years ago by a family member.
Once she was able to see the truth; that she had beautiful, sculpted, feminine shoulders, she was able to let go, move on, and enjoy a more positive body image.
And this can work for you, too. Think back to those negative messages. Take responsibility, look back but view them NOW as a grown up. Take a long, cool look at yourself as you REALLY are.
Maybe you DO need to make some changes. Think how much easier these will be to achieve with a robust and healthy heart and mind.
