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Successful Dating - Interview with Cherry Claus
1. Hi Cherry, can you tell us who this book is written for?
It's for anyone who wants to improve their chances of finding love or increase their dating skills!
I coach both men and women of all ages, straight or gay. Dating is one of the hardest things we ever do. As with many things in life, the secret of success lies in preparation.
We often put more thought into buying a computer, car or house than in choosing a long term relationship! This book was written for all those men and women out there who want to find love.
They may be just starting out, disillusioned with dating or about to re-enter the dating scene after many years. Wherever their starting point, this book will help them to get clarity about what it is they really want, understand what's holding them back and learn about what does and doesn't work when it comes to dating.
There are many good books available on how to date, what to wear or what to do when you're on a date. I believe that the work has to start before you even get on a date.
Preparation is the key to success and the more that you can do the more you will increase your chances of success. This book was written to help anyone who is serious about finding love not only to prepare but also to develop dating confidence and sustain momentum if the going gets tough.
2. Why is preparation so important in dating and how can this book help?
Learning to walk away from what you don't want in order to find what you do want is essential in finding love. Spending time in "better than nothing" relationships or hanging on in there in the hope that our partners will change can keep people in unfulfilling relationships for years.
Time spent in getting to know yourself can help you from falling into the same trap. This is why preparation is such a key to successful dating. Knowing what you do want, what you're willing to compromise on and what you will not tolerate are just some of the items that are essential if you are to be successful in love.
This book takes you on a journey of self-discovery so that you can prepare yourself date successfully in future.
3. What past experiences or qualifications do you bring to writing this book?
As a Personal Transition Coach one of the areas that I specialise in is relationship coaching. I have been coaching in this area for many years and have taken specialist training courses in relationships, communication in relationships and intimacy.
My interest in the field of relationships spans over twenty years and even before I qualified as a coach, I was always the one who friends would turn to when their relationships were going wrong or they were fed-up because they couldn't find a suitable man or woman.
Over the years I have built up a wealth of experience from both a professional and personal standpoint - often by learning the hard way! There is so much that you can do to increase your chances of success, I wanted to share these in my book.
We often hamper our chances of success without even realising it. I've coached many clients to identify what's holding them back and help them overcome their obstacles and I share these insights in the book.
4. What is your take on "novelty dating" eg speed dating, dating in the dark, etc?
There are many new and exciting ways of meeting people. "Novelty dating" like speed dating and dating in the dark provide people with a fun and interesting way of meeting people. If you go along with an open mind and the intention of whatever happens, to have fun, then anything that happens in terms of meeting someone is a bonus.
If your expectations are to meet the love of your life at any event you are setting yourself up for disappointment. This may not only hamper your chances and put pressure on both you and any potential dates, but it could prevent you from trying new things in future.
Keeping the fun element in dating is important. Going along to "novelty dating" events may not be everyone's cup of tea but it's becoming very popular. You are unlikely to meet anyone by staying in with a good book or watching television.
The more new people you come into contact with the more chance you stand of meeting someone who could be a potential date.
As with anything though it's buyer beware, so I would check out the age range and ratio of men to women before paying out any hard earned money.
5. What advice would you have for people who find meeting someone new almost impossible, outside their existing circle?
There's a saying that goes: "If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always got."
If you are really serious about meeting someone, then you need to be prepared to try new things; go to different places; break into new social circles. This may mean stepping outside of your comfort zone. Coaching can help you with this. I work with many people who feel they lack confidence and help them to overcome their perceived obstacles.
It's a lot easier when you have the support of someone who believes in you like a good friend or a coach, but it is possible to do this on your own. Get in touch with why meeting someone is really important to you and keep reminding yourself of this. Identify as many different ways that you can meet new people and pick the one that appeals the most and do it!
Sustaining momentum when it comes to dating is one of the most challenging things to cope with which is why I devoted a whole chapter of the book to it. The key is, not to give up.
6. What is the single biggest mistake people can make when they return to dating after a break-up?
Rushing back into dating before giving themselves time to recover from the break-up of the previous relationship.
Coming out of one relationship and going straight into another can, for many, be a lesson learned the hard way. Relationships are great learning experiences if we give ourselves chance to learn from them.
In coaching individuals to cope with relationship break-up as well as dating, I find that those who choose to learn from their experience and be honest with themselves about what they really want are the ones who fair the best when it comes to returning to dating.
Getting clarity is essential in successful dating and this includes being honest with yourself about what you want at any given moment in time. You may not want to embark upon a serious relationship for a while after a break-up, but dating for fun may just provide you with the boost you need. The most important thing is to be clear about what you do want and be honest with any potential partners or dates.
If you've just come out of a relationship or are thinking of getting back into the dating scene, reading the book will certainly help you to gain the clarity you need and prepare you so that you can get the most out of dating.
Cherry Claus's new book "Successful Dating" is available from us here.
