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Getting to Know You : The Art of Flirting
The art of flirting has never been a problem to me. This is because I suspect that I am a congenital flirt. It has never occurred to me that people won't find me attractive. I'm sure there are many women in the world who are more beautiful, but they may not necessarily look beautiful - whereas I can - at the drop of a hat. I can look beautiful because I feel beautiful. It's all to do with inner belief in your worthiness.
Develop Positive Mental Attitude
You've heard it a thousand times -when you feel good about yourself your inner beauty shines through on the outside. But the good news is that you don't have to have film-star looks or even wait till you feel good about yourself before you have success. As Fiona rightly says in her course on Indestructible self belief - "Act as if" - and success follows.
Remember - you can't always detect healthy self-esteem just by looking at a person. It is perfectly possible to act as if you have high self-esteem and get away with it, even when you're not feeling so hot inside. People have a habit of accepting your version of yourself provided you do it with confidence. Another point is that there's no blueprint for beauty -what turns me on might not float your boat and so on. Even the most beautiful faces don't appeal to everyone.
We find lots of different people attractive for many different reasons but the ones we find most attractive always have the missing integer - they may not be classic beauties but they all have total self -belief! If you don't already have that quality then I suggest you work on it. Practise in front of a mirror. Smile at yourself warmly. Do you find yourself attractive? No? Then I suggest you keep at it until you do, because if you don't who else will?
Try telling yourself that you're beautiful- in front of the mirror. Wear your most serene expression. Laugh heartily. Look coy. Smile at yourself provocatively. It will seem strange at first but with practise you'll get better. Practise holding yourself upright - not rigidly but with confidence. Stick your chest out and shoulders back. Hold your tummy in. Stand tall. Smile. Remember, the happier you are with yourself, the more attractive you come across to other people.
The art of flirting follows the same principles as effective communication.
Don't be Half-hearted
When you enter a room full of people you don't know, remember to carry yourself well, make yourself taller than you are, smile confidently and look around for a friendly face. Most people are just like you - wanting to make a good impression on others.
It's my belief that men and women basically want the same things from each other. We like people who are easy going and fun to be with, who are open-mined and not prejudiced. It's great to meet someone who's bright and stable and has a good sense of humour. We look for people who are health conscious and If we have chemistry with them it's even better.
I also believe that most of all, we are attracted to people who seem sincere and genuinely interested in us. The flirting game is not about focusing on yourself - it's about how interested you are in getting to know the other person. Think about it, how often have we been turned off by guys or girls who are completely egocentric? Big turn-off! Life's too short.
Give Good Eye Contact
I always do this and I've been told more than once that my eyes light up a room. That's because I'm interested in other people and hearing what they have to say rather than my own insecurities. I always make a point of remembering a person's name so that I can repeat it to them sometime soon after. (There's nothing more insulting than someone forgetting who you are a minute after you've been introduced.)
Don't be Afraid of Touch
It's possible to use touch even if you've been introduced to someone for a short while. Sometimes I touch lightly on the arm or the back of the hand - just fleetingly - maybe after a shared joke - and always naturally - this makes other people feel at ease and shows your vulnerability.
Face Square On
Always turn yourself fully towards the other person. This shows respect for what they have to say. The opposite is true - "giving the cold shoulder" or turning away when you want to show dislike of someone. If someone does this to you, it may be best not to pursue the issue. Their loss!
Actively Listen
Smile a lot and use nodding and reassuring gestures. Lean forward slightly. When two people converse they need to show each other these important non-verbal signs of approval. It shows empathy, that you think alike and you have stuff in common.
Use a variety of facial expressions. If you use the same response you give the impression of being bored. Don't interrupt till the other person has finished, this shows you know how to converse.
You'd be amazed at the number of people out there who think conversation is a one way process. You may have heard the saying "The more you talk the less I hear". Enjoyable conversation on the other hand ebbs and flows effortlessly. It is mutually satisfying.
Invite additional comments - "go on" "what else?" "Tell me more".
When you have something to say - go for it with a vengeance. Impress like mad. Smile, tease if you're good at it, look at all the parts of the person's face - drink it in, make it seem as though its the only face in the room.
Grace is a Life Coach based on The Isle of Skye and a Moderator and regular contributor to our Conversation Board, where she regularly shares her wit and wisdom.
