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1. Get started

It's important to get straight to work with understanding where you are as regards expressing yourself right now. I want you to begin what will be an open list for the next 7 days: "areas I'm not expressing myself sufficiently right now are..."

Open lists are the best, since time and again the best ideas we have tend to come with time. As with all coaching, it’s important to know where you’re starting from. So let’s have it. Remember, this is between you and nobody else, so be honest!

2. Tools of the trade

Let's start to chunk down a little, starting with work - and if you don't work outside the home, you could apply this to any domestic or community work you do. "What do I need at work to perform at my best?" Write down your answers. E.g: positive feedback, meetings that begin and end on time, flexi time, further training, etc

Now move on to home and personal life and ask the same question, "what do I need in (X situation) in order to perform at my best?"

3. Take responsibility

Take responsibility for your thoughts, beliefs and emotions. Use "I" statements for clarity. Then it's clear who is saying what - "I want some coffee;" "I think it's too late to go;" "I am happy." A variation on an "I" message uses "my" - "my opinion, my belief, my preference is" etc.

Statements such as "I think we feel," "It seems we," or "I believe we," are statements which try to speak for a group. This is presumptuous, since you can only speak for yourself with honesty. If you want to find out others’ opinions and views, ask them. Remember, responsibility begins with YOU!

4. Establish your aim

Everything you write, on paper or electronically, must have a specific reason for being written. If you can't think of a reason, don't waste time on it at all! Decide what information is necessary in achieving your aim.

Don’t swamp the reader with too many details and options – just give them (i.e. you) the outcome of your thoughts by applying your expertise to the information. Decide what is relevant, and state it precisely and concisely.

5. Give specific feedback

If you're bothering to give someone feedback, be specific - generalized statements leave them shortchanged and don't allow you to express your true thoughts and feelings.

"Oh, that was very nice/you’re always good/ saved the day again" never quite hits the mark. Think back to the last time you had such feedback – did you feel just a little shortchanged?

Wouldn’t you have felt more recognized if your achievements (the best bits) were hauled up and repeated for all, and you, to hear?

When you give feedback, whether they’ve been a star or failed massively, pick at least 3 specifics where they succeeded, things they did well, something in their manner or character that shone through. Remember, a minimum of three.