Apr 10
Be Happy – Right Now!
Britain is the least content place to live in the developed world – we rank 21st out of the top twenty. Britons are less happy than they were fifty years ago – even though they’re more affluent.
The solution for our happiness and fulfilment can only truly come when we take total responsibility for Making it Happen – whatever it happens to be for you. And, in encouraging you to do so, I and others like me, are part of the solution.
Be Happy Right Now!
1. You are lucky,
– lucky, lucky, lucky. You are one of life’s lucky people. Believe it, because the more you believe it, the ‘luckier’ you’ll be.
Professor Richard Wiseman studied the principles of good and bad luck, publishing the results in his book, The Luck Factor. He showed that both good and bad luck result from measurable habits; for example, lucky people, by expecting good luck, might expend more effort in their endeavours, resulting in more success, reinforcing their belief in good luck. Lucky people are outgoing and observant and therefore have many more chance encounters than unlucky people, each of which could bring a lucky opportunity. Moreover, lucky people are more likely to look on the bright side of ‘bad’ encounters. In a mental exercise describing being shot during a bank robbery, lucky people considered themselves lucky not to have been killed while unlucky people considered themselves unlucky to have been shot. Love it!
2. Practise for 10,000 hours.
Do people sometimes expect overnight success and get disappointed when others don’t recognise their genius? Absolutely. And do some of these people expect coaches to wave a wand and get them book deals, contracts and more? I’m afraid so. There’s no substitute for mastery, for applying yourself, studying, doing the work, so you are a credible expert in your field. In Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling book, Outliers – The Story of Success, Gladwell examines the factors that contribute to high levels of success. He repeatedly mentions the “10,000-Hour Rule”, claiming that the key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours. The message is – hone your craft. There are no short cuts. You’ll find more on this in Chapter 3 of The 7 Rules of Success.
3. Wear lipstick!
“It is a fact that women who wear make-up in business generally get better jobs, get promoted more quickly and get paid more. Whether we like it or not, we live in a very visual world and we get judged on appearances. In fact, in a survey, 64 per cent of directors said that women who wore make-up look more professional and 18 per cent of directors said that women who do not wear make-up ‘look like they can’t be bothered to make an effort’.” Lesley Everett, Drop Dead Brilliant.
The message here for all of us is – Make the effort. You not only look more together – you feel it. You give off a different vibe and the world responds. Look after yourself. Groom and go, go, go! You’re so worth it.
4. Do Yoga.
There’s nothing that can’t be helped by yoga. It puts you back together again like almost nothing else. Don’t take my word. Do it.
A British study of 71 healthy volunteers aged 21 to 76 found that a 30minute program of yogic stretching and breathing exercises resulted in a “markedly invigorating” effect on perceptions of both mental and physical energy and improved mood. The study compared relaxation, Visualization and yoga. It found that the yoga group had a significantly greater increase in perceptions of mental and physical energy and feelings of alertness and enthusiasm than the other groups. Relaxation was found to make people more sleepy and sluggish after a session, and visualization made them more sluggish and less content than those in the yoga group.
5. Look for the silver lining.
“People who make permanent and universal explanations for their troubles tend to collapse under pressure, both for a long time and across situations.” Martin Seligman from Learned Optimism
Habits of thinking need not be forever. One of the most significant findings in psychology in the last twenty years is that individuals can choose the way they think. Choose them wisely – bearing in mind that optimists live longer!
Do you have any more tips for being happy? Please share, right here!
xx
Great advice Fiona.
In a similar thread I’d add be grateful for all the things you do have and can do -driving, reading, thinking, being alive x
You Fiona and other people like you and books have helped me get back on track and stay on track….if I hadn t had learnt so much from you i don t know where i would be now ! I feel so sorry for the “robots” !
great work fiona !
Thank you Fiona. I would also add something else that definitely contributes to my happiness is having a dog. You absolutely cannot feel miserable when there are two bright shining eyes staring at you with love and a waggy tail to laugh at. Plus, of course, the exercise and fresh air while walking the dog every day cannot be underestimated. Love and hugs, Linda
Dear Fiona,
Like yourself I find it quite fascinating that learned people like Mr James can come out with such, frankly, tripe.
Where to begin?
I would like to see his research on the percentage of dissatisfied clients that arise from coaching?
Also, I am at a loss as to why “discontent” is a bad thing anyway?
Innovation, creation, art and discovery is mostly (if not all) fueld by discontent isn’t it?
Surely taken to the extreme Mr James would have us all content with sitting in a tree eating apples.
Although this sounds appetising (pardon the pun) where is the “measure of human spirit”? Isn’t it our discontent that becomes the catalyst for our spirit to shine?
On a slightly different curve of the ball, I am unsure as to where Mr James gained his psychology degree but his presumptions are erroneous.
As we know psychology tells us quite clearly that what we “perceive” is but a made-up world. Partly from what is “out-there” and partly from the beliefs that we hold.
The time-tested example of the glass half-full or half-empty stands.
The glass is just a glass with water – what we “make” of it is in our heads.
Thus having an expectation of an event turning out well. Will “give” us the extra ingredient to see it as such.
“the world isn’t the world, it’s what we make of it” – quite literally.
and finally old wisdom that stands the test of time…
Fred is walking from one village to another. He meets a man along the way and asks him what the people are like in the village he is going to.
The man asks Fred in return “what were the people like where you just came from?”
Fred replies, “They were a mean bunch, didn’t put me up for the night, pretty arrogant and selfish lot.
“Ah,” the man says, “Alas the village you are going to, people are just the same.”
The next day George was making the same journey as Fred and synchronistically bumps into the same fella (I think he must live on the road)
George asks the man the same question, “what are the people like in yon village?”
The man (feeling a bit of de javu) asks in return “what were the people like where you just came from?”
“O” says George, “they were a friendly bunch, put me up for the night, great food, party time!”
“Ah,” the man says, “The village you are going to, people are just the same. Party On!”
Much love Fiona,
Kal
PS – I am expecting to have a fantastic day
Love this Kal!
You’ve made my day and I expect to bump into more souls just like you from the moment I step outside my front door.
Party on!
xx Fiona
My Dearest Fiona,
As you have asked me “What do you think?”, I feel honoured to have me considered giving an opinion to a GREAT British Coach, such as you.
This is what I humbly think about the topic of happiness. Also, as I have already commented earlier, this is what I personally think about it, Fiona.
Nothing or no one can possibly make me happy or unhappy. Nothing or no one has the power to do so. Neither of the 5 points above will ever lead me to a happy life. How come? Simply because I am ALREADY happy right here and right now.
I need NOTHING or NO ONE to be happy. I don’t even need to be a successful Coach to be happy. Needless to say, I sometimes feel blue, not because I don’t have this or that thing or person , but because I lose track of what is REAL. What IS real? What IS reality?
Happiness is to be IN CONTACT with REALITY. What IS reality, then? The REALITY is that I AM happy WITH or WITHOUT physical things and physical people. Don’t you ever believe that WITHOUT such and such a thing or person, I refuse to be happy. Once you see the falsehood of this belief, you’ll be BLISSFULLY HAPPY. Drop this belief!
“Be Happy” then and have a good day.
And by the way, I just LOVE virtually all the books you’ve published. Great stuffs! And a good job too. Any one of your books could be, and IS an instrument for helping people (me included)to find their TRUE IDENTITY, that of an innately HAPPY BEING!
Lovingly detached,
Ross, NLP Spiritual Life Coach
As a human being, coach on Fiona’s team and trainer I ‘respect the other person’s model of the world’.
Whilst I may not always understand or agree, to respect their point of view and integrity is fundamental.
Unfortunately, not everyone follows the same principle – and whilst I know people such as the writer mentioned is of that school and can make money out of moaning and criticizing others, I still respect his opinion. I don’t agree, but I respect it’s his opinion.
At the end of the day I know who I am, why I’m a coach, and what it’s my aim in life to achieve.
The 10,000+ people I’ve be privileged to train in coaching over the last 3 years, and 4,000+ individuals and business leaders I’ve coached with since 2003 seem to think coaching has 1. Been a good idea, 2. Assisted them in moving forward and 3/ Confirmed that with focus, determination and a good plan most goals in life are achievable.
For me, that’s enough.
See on the coaching hour this Thursday!
If coaches were making it their mission to convince people that material success would solve all of their angst; or work with them to build a business plan based on being the next big celebrity I could not agree more that we are part of the problem. But no coach worth their salt would dream of selling such a false dream. Only last week we saw the reality of having all the money you could wish for when a Lotto millionaire died after hitting all sorts of problems following his win. As Fiona says here taking responsibility for our own life and creating the future we want instead of sitting in victim-hood is the only way forward.
I do find it slightly worrying that anyone would presume that any coach could decide what is possible for another person. In my coaching practice I never fail to be amazed and humbled by what people make possible in lives a lot less privileged than some commentators. My work in disadvantaged communities has taught me never to believe I could guess what someone could become given a little support and belief.
Two memories come to mind, one a young man coming into a group coaching session who was homeless after a spell in prison, had been brought up in a violent environment with no encouragement, his dream? To study philosophy, with support and encouragement that is what he is doing, and all without access to a private education; just a passion to change his life and an acceptance that his future was in his hands.
The other memory was way back in the seventies when I overheard two well-dressed women talking at a bus stop that overlooked a car park outside of a coal mine. They were commenting at how appalling it was that miners had cars. These comments today reminded me of this mentality that ‘some people’ do not deserve to have expectations beyond their current circumstances.
Far from exacerbating discontent, coaches are encouraging people to respond positively to the circumstances they find themselves in. It is alien to me to do anything else, what is the alternative?
Love your comment, Karen.
I totally agree – is it wrong for us – who haven’t gone to Eton and/or Cambridge to want to broaden our horizons and let nothing and no-one limit our fulfilment and expression in the world – and help others do the same?
Yes, it may feel overwhelming, sometimes, to have aspirations and ambitions, but striving for them is a darned sight better than not even trying.
xx F
I would like to thank you Fiona very sincerely for your books. I worked very seriously with You Can be Your Own Life Coach for many months doing all the exercises and assignments diligently. I still use all the affirmations, and other deep insights I got from it today 5 years on;my contract is still relevant and powerful. Not a day goes past without using something I learned from your book. I believe people are already discontent and just settle for mediocrity because they don’t see any other way. Coaching helps people to achieve their dreams whereas cynics tell us not to dream because there’s no hope of achieving them. How depressing.
For me coaching is not about having huge unfulfillable aspirations about what I’m going to have or do but more about who I’m being. So if I choose to be happy then I’m happy whatever I have or do. There will always be people who take the negative viewpoint and really they don’t understand what coaching is about.
So thank you again for all the hugely valuable work you and other coaches do Fiona.I’m sure you won’t let the cynics undermine you – even if they have been to Cambridge!
Oh and by the way – I went to Cambridge too.
love
Belinda
Thanks so much, Belinda.
I’m delighted to have been of some help and encouragement to you and you are living proof that one can go to Cambridge and still be thoroughly in touch with the rest of us!
I’m the first person to criticise the ‘X Factor’ promise of overnight success, pointing out that those who succeed on The X Factor or other are the likes of Leona Lewis, who had been pursuing her dream – and going to stage school since she was a tot and never misses a chance to say she’d have made it and fulfilled her dream with or without Simon Cowell/The X Factor.
Dream and Scheme – that’s my motto!
xx F
Just to add a different viewpoint, I recently gave up on my regular monthly magazine, because every issue was full of ‘reinvent your life’ ‘make your life better’ etc. I’ve read and followed coaching techniques, and when I’ve needed them, they have been a fantastic help. However the need to change myself every month, was just too overwhelming and tiring.I was happy to be me for a little while. However i don’t intend standing still, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got’. But sometimes thats ok.
Fiona, thanks for including my comments in this great article. I would add that lipstick makes you feel good too, and a new season is a great excuse to find a new colour!
Thanks, Lesley!
I agree on the lipstick – wouldn’t be without it!
All the best, Fiona
I was shocked with your point, Wear lipstick,Haha…
Lipstick made a girl looks nice and confident, then be Happy!
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