Mar 10
Five Steps from Misery to Happiness
According to recent studies, Britain is Miserable! I believe there is a widespread lack of support around us. The old style neighbourhood and community support is missing for many of us; families are fragmented and while the internet gives us wider access to connect, it often lacks the depth of connection that we crave. Life is hard when you feel isolated. With the right support behind you, you feel entirely different, more up to the challenge and you might even get to feel downright invincible! I’d like to do more to help all of us to feel more positive, upbeat and optimistic.
Here are my Five Steps to help take you from misery to happiness:
1. Give yourself permission to be happier. All change begins with a decision. It also begins with you giving yourself permission to make a change – to be happier. It’s easy to put feeling happy on hold until some future change has occurred. Don’t! The chances are that if you’re miserable now, you’ll be miserable then. Misery is a state of mind, largely regardless of circumstances. Britain is more affluent now than fifty years ago, yet, depending on what study you look at, we’re five to ten times less happy. You’ll find more on this in the opening pages of The 7 Rules of Success.
2. Projection is Perception. Carl Jung would have liked the Law of Attraction rule - that what we give our attention to increases. In other words, we see what we expect to see. It’s nonsense to say, we get the life we deserve. The truth is more likely, we get the life we anticipate. Widen the lens of your aperture. Consciously expand what you’re projecting to allow for something bigger and better.
3. Think about giving rather than getting. It’s easy to focus (and stay focused) on what you want – the list of qualities you want in an ideal partner, for example, what’s negotiable, what’s a ‘deal-breaker.’ How about focusing on what you have to offer? How about noticing the great qualities you can offer a potential partner and how you could enhance the quality of their life? This doesn’t make you a martyr – it makes you very, very attractive as you pay attention to the wonderful assets you possess! I saw this clearly when I interviewed Sally Greene, the theatre owner and producer of musicals such as Billy Elliot. This is what she thought when she met her husband, property millionaire, Robert Bourne on a blind date, at a time when she was a failing actress, ‘I realised what he needed was me.’ Read more on page 173 of The 7 Rules of Success.
4. Only connect. Don’t ‘keep yourself to yourself’. How very British – and how very isolating. Be a bit more American, or Italian, or Irish, or anything other than detached and stand-offish. Smile, reach out and break the ice. Others will feel your cheer and so will you. I’ll never forget the shock of my first trips to New York and LA and the ease – and politeness of the people there. It took me a few days to get over my initial suspicion and realise how very ‘British’ I’d become.
5. Cheer Up! Feeling worried and fearful is a habit. Break out of it by a/ enjoying life more – get something in your diary right now to uplift your spirit b/ take the Bach Flower Remedies, Gentian (for feeling discouraged), White Chestnut (for worry), Water Violet (for appearing aloof and detached), Rock Rose (for fear).
And, right now, give your physiology the message that you’re Really Happy by smiling! More suggestions for fast-track happiness, please
Xx Fiona
Hello.
Very helpful steps… more like a reminder to some of us to wake up! Since I am not British, I wont be able to comment on the ‘only connect’… but being in Africa.. I know exactly how it can be. Without connection we would have no survival especially in rural areas.
Welcome Khati from Africa!
I know it’s a big place, but check out my brother, Brian’s, fantastic work in the Gambia, helping people help themselves,
http://www.pingcharity.co.uk
All the best,
Fiona xx
One of the best and easy things to make you happier is to find a few things (I aim for five) every day that you have achieved / impacted. A good routine is to think about this when brushing your teeth at night, it also helps you to relax before sleeping. Some days there are quite big things like finishing a project, other days I might have done the washing up. It is very rare to have a day when you have not achieved at least three things.
My experience is that they need to be things that you have had an impact on – external things, like a sunny day, don’t work so well.
WOW! I AM SHOCKED THAT BRITAIN IS THE 21ST UNHAPPIEST DEVELOPED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! WOW!
I LIVE IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE AND THE VIBE IS SO MUCH MORE POSITIVE AND HAPPY HERE.
I THINK BOUNCE BACK BRITAIN IS THE BEST IDEA! ALL POWER TO YOU FIONA X
Hey…how all this is so true..I am Italian..and English ppl find me “dramatic”..or “too sharp” for the only reason I express what I think in a passionate way and I do not feel fear to be what I am..I love London and I have decided to live here reseigning my permanent job in Italy and reinventing myself..but sometimes one of the thing I most miss is lack of friends and community..but I keep going
Ros
I think this is a wonderful idea. I live in Ireland so we are also facing the same problems. We really need to get out there and encourage people to move on and look to a more positive and happy future. I think bounce back Britain is a brilliant idea.
Woo hoo!
I am delighted y’all think it’s a good idea. Italians are sooo dramatic and full of passion – no half-measures for you, Rosalba and Noeleen, you’re so right, Ireland needs to bounce back too – and you have the rain to contend with as well!
Ciao!
Fiona xx
Message: What a wonderful and inspired idea to > increase contact for people. So many people, despite looking confident and > happy on the outside, are in truth, isolated, lonely and unhappy. It is > very hard to actively help oneself when there is no-one to give support > and a friendly word. Not everyone can afford coaching, so I think this > idea will make a HUGE difference to many people.
My situation is complicated by the fact i am only 35 but have ms which stops me from getting out and about. I’m positive but it can be hard at times.
I like your thinking Lillian
The rain …. yes I agree as a South African living in Ireland it is a change not to see as much sunshine but over the years here I have managed to meet and associate with like minded people and this has helped keep a wonderful positive attitude where we can support each other.
I’m surprised no one has really asked ‘why are we so miserable?’! I think there is more to it than the ‘British way’. Good reading – Britain on the Couch by Oliver James, also Affluenza by the same author. Both looking at how our expectations have been ramped up until they just aren’t realistically acheivable.
I don’t want to get too political, but we also have to negotiate increased taxes (no more 10p rate), failing EDUCATION – young people with no critical thinking skills or the ability to take control of their own happiness, unemployment, rising house costs, biased media…
I stay happy by spending time in wild places – soul food for me, and working at a few close friendships. Britain has a rich history and mind blowing natural heritage. I’d also recommend going exploring!
Wow Fiona, I have been a ‘fan’ of your work for about 10 years now and recently I found myself redeveloping the habit of being miserable. Thank you so much for sending this wake up call! It goes as far as The Netherlands too!
Keep on being happy everywhere!
Hi Lilian,
between ourselves, I found myself slipping into it as well!
We all have to stay vigilent – we live in challenging times,
xx Fiona
It doesn’t surprise me that we are 21st unhappiest nation. We only need to look at our press and TV, the way it is presented to us, it is all SO NEGATIVE. Even out of good we find bad. On a national scale, we are putting ourselves down by compounding ourselves with our failures. Britian is a great country and people should be allowed to feel proudd of their achievments and be reminded of the good and hope.
We support you in Bounce Back Britian and it is the best, inspiring and postive idea i Have heard in a long time! Well Done and wish you all the sucess.
It gives me HUGE pleasure on a daily basis to do something for someone else and that can be as “small” as a smile to the checkout girl in the supermarket as she deals with yet another grumpy customer to just sending a random text to one of my friends to tell them how much I love and appreciate them. Give little and often – it has an amazing knowck on effect, I recommend reading or watching the film “Pay it Forward” – delicious!
Hi Fiona
Great timing!
I was feeling more than a bit glum today and was thinking how much I needed a boost. Then I logged into my emails and found this from you.
I find just a touch of inspiration so uplifting.
And you do so much for free too. So lacking these days to value life and people over money and possessions.
We’re lucky to have you.
Thanks
Jacquie xx
Hi Fiona,
I’m looking forward to these “Bounce Back” workshops and wll definitely make the time to attend.
I have read many of your books and love the way you look at the world. I am a counsellor and have used some of your ideas in my therapy sessions and applied certain “schools of thought” in line with your approach.
Keep up the great work – you’re such an inspiration!!
Kind regards
Mandy
mandyjane-lifedesign.com
text-tonic.co.uk
How timely! Yes Britain, do lively up!
It is quite instructive to note that an affluent land such as Britain is voted most unhappy, while a 3rd world country (Nigeria) was voted the happiest people in the world (c.2006). Happiness doesn’t come from what we have, it comes when we are in the habit of being a blessing. We reap what we sow, and don’t reap what we don’t sow. Want to be happy? Make someone else happy everyday!
Let’s seek our neighbour’s good and be ever ready to bless others. Sometimes the poorest people are the most generous.Let’s be grateful for what we have, there are those with less, and happier.
I look forward to a happy Britain, where we care about each other and aren’t consumed with self-gratification. I have faith yet!
Woke up this morning feeling grumpy.. and put on the soundrack from the film ‘Rocky’…it was bounce back therapy in sound
This is encouraging and reminding each and everyone the s/he is responsible for his/her happiness.
Thanks Fiana. Your Newsletters are so motivating, inspirational and are actully re-inventing my person inside out. Building my new me, a person who is full of confidence, beaming with happines, upbeat and a go getter.
Thanks very kindly
Bongiwe Magagula
Hi Fiona,
I feel Brits on the whole are far too reserved. Showing emotion is seen as some sort of failure rather than a celebration of character. Children rarely have difficulty in expressing themselves yet as we grow we somehow unlearn this behaviour.
No one can be happy all of the time because contrast is good. But I believe that happiness is a choice. Sometimes it feels as if there is little or no choice, but that rarely is the truth. The choice may be difficult because it means doing something differently, which can be scary. So blaming circumstance or justifying why things are the way they are is a far easier option – but does it bring happiness? Maybe, for a while. Be happy – do something challenging each. See how this makes you feel:)
Thanks for the newsletters.
With warmth Lusanna
Life if tough whether you consider yourself to be well-off and middle class or poor and working class.
People of all backgrouds have expectations and succeed and fail in,probably, equal measure. For example Jack Cohen and Mr Marks were immigrants who became extremely successful.
Oliver James may be alluding to the point that Prince Charles made some time ago when he said that, ‘Not everyone are naturally academic and, therefore, would be better to explore professions which would not benefit from going to university.’
However, I cannot agree with Oliver that he can solely lay the blame of peoples’ expectations at the door of Life Coaches! If man had not pursued their beliefs in what they were undertaking, everything from the invention of the wheel to medical breakthroughs, we would still be in the dark ages.
Progress in all areas of life has to be weighed against the cost,not only in financial terms, but in terms of what it means to mankind, ie the earth and relationships in society.
Unfortunately, happiness since the mid 20th Century been associated with materialism and this spawned greed which has had an incredible impact on life and led to the global credit crunch. Now it is becoming popular, if not enforced, to live ‘a more simple life’
Happiness is whatever you want it to be. It most certaily can be free and is great if it can be shared.
I agree with the late Princess Diana
that a hug is a great thing. It is a great shame that many British are too reserved because the one thing I most miss is being cuddled.
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