Leaving a Broken Relationship Behind

It’s a fact of life that relationships, even the seemingly most solid of them, can and do breakdown. Statistics show that 41% of first marriages will end in divorce and each year in Britain 300,000 people, at any one time, are going through divorce.

None of us enter into relationships, especially marriage, expecting it will end. Most of us are looking to improve our lives by adding the richness that comes from sharing it with a person we love and who loves us. But inevitably it’s just a matter of time before someone gets upset, the walls of protection go up, or they defend, attack or withdraw.

Rebuilding your life when your relationship ends is a challenge that many of us have faced and some of us have yet to experience. When you commit fully to an exclusive relationship, however much you love the other person, there are no guarantees of longevity. For all kinds of reasons marriages break-up, long-term partnerships breakdown and promising new relationships often never get off the ground.

Ending a relationship can leave you feeling anything from the high of total relief to the low of emotional despair and everywhere else in between.

Whilst all this sounds very much like entering a black hole without a flashlight, it’s actually not all doom and gloom. How you cope with your breakdown has much to do with the kind of support you get.

It is possible to take charge of your life and be your best in times of change. It is possible for you to take charge of your career and finances when what you’d rather do is hide under the covers. It is possible, even though you are going through an emotional process to surf the pain and use the calmer waters to take action that will take your life forward in the direction you want it to go, instead of drowning in sea of tears.

And, whilst it may be the last thing on your mind right now, it is possible to begin to design how your future relationships will look too.

Ten Top Tips for Breaking up Well

1. What we can feel we can heal

Don’t deny your pain, the first step to regaining a healthy identity is to acknowledge your pain and let the emotion out. Sometimes it will be a flood sometimes a war dance. Keep safe but let it out.

2. Treat yourself like your best friend

This applies to men and women. You know what makes you feel good. Do one thing each day to care for you. A drink with a friend, a luxurious bath, a walk in the park, your favourite meal, some ‘happy’ flowers. In all the turmoil, take time for you.

3. Get good legal advice, but don’t be drawn into drama

Work out the fairest best-case scenario for you and stick to it. Messy divorce cases keep emotions highly charged and extend the ‘getting over it’ process. Ask for what you know is fair and available, back it up with reasons and don’t get down and dirty. Personal Pride is priceless.

4. Find a support group

These are great places for offloading your divorce blues. You’ll hear stories far worse than yours and you’ll have many sympathetic ears ready and willing to listen to you. Go as many times as you need. When you get bored with the drama you are ready to move on.

5. Spend time with family and special friends

Because you’ve done most of your dumping at the support group, you’ll just be able to bathe in their love and caring and understanding. Get plenty of hugs and know that you are loved.

6. Children don’t Divorce

So don’t make it any harder for them than it already is. Assure them that both of you love them and build an easy bridge for them to cross from one home to the other. Don’t disrespect your expartner in front of them – this might be your biggest challenge do it anyway.

7. Retain some old friends and work at finding some new ones

Decide to take up Spanish or learn how to tread grapes. Dance salsa or take spin classes. Do something, anything, to get out and get going.

8. Feel the Fear and face your future

Take on one divorce challenge each day. Every time you face your fears and overcome them you create even more strength and courage to rebuild your life.

9. When dividing up everything plus the cat, don’t be petty

There are memories for both of you. Only insist on what’s most important to you and hard as it may be to believe this now, remember, you once loved this person.

10. Get a Coach

No, really I’m not just saying that. Divorce is a massive life change and how you rebuild your life immediately afterwards is vital in creating strong foundations for your future. Divorce is not just an ending its also a new beginning which offer opportunities and possibilities for redesigning your life, building new relationships, getting to know yourself better and developing new parts of you that were previously unknown.