Tips to tackle fear and anxiety

It’s easy to get caught in a negative thinking loop when you’ve only your own thoughts for company, so if you’re feeling anxious or fearful, get another perspective.

Actively seek out more helpful interpretations of your situation.

1. Flip the coin

On a plane a few years ago, as the plane started down the runway, my friend grabbed and squeezed my hand so strongly I knew it would be crushed if I didn’t do something quickly. Turning to see his white face and clenched jaw, I found myself spontaneously saying that fear and excitement were two sides of a coin.

“I find taking off so exciting. A whole new adventure has begun. Butterflies race round inside my stomach and my heart beats like a drum!” I enthused. “You can feel excitement too! Flip the coin. It’s an adventure and it’s so exciting. Flip the coin.”

To my relief and delight, the vice-like grip on my hand relaxed and he started to smile.

Anxiety and fear are fuelled by the physical rush of butterflies and your heart beating like a drum, so try flipping the coin – imagine those feelings as excitement, excitement that’s bringing positive anticipation and opening up a whole new adventure.

2. Spot where you are on the learning ladder

You may have heard about the learning ladder – four stages you go through when you’re learning something new (such as a foreign language or driving).

1. Unconscious incompetence:
   You don’t know and you don’t know you don’t know.
2. Conscious incompetence:
   You’re acutely aware of all the things you need to know and how little you do know.
3. Conscious competence:
   You know what you’re doing and you know you know.
4. Unconscious competence:
   Your skill is automatic, and you often find that you’ve successfully done something without even realising it.

Stage two, conscious incompetence, can be an extremely anxious time.

Are you faced with a change or challenge that has catapulted you into conscious incompetence, and is this feeding your fear?

If the answer could be yes, recognise that you are at the consciously incompetent stage and that anxiety and fear will naturally result.  Understand that stages three and four are to come: it will get better!

With this calmer state of mind, now focus on what you can do to start making it better.

3. Understand how your brain works

Science tells us that the brain has two parts.

• One is the ‘thinking brain’, which works consciously, offering objective, thought-out, rational responses.
• The other is the ‘emotional brain’, which controls your vital instincts, your fight or flight response. It developed to get you out of danger, fast – when faced with a hungry lion, there wasn’t time to ponder!

Your emotional brain is always on the lookout for danger and is ready to stimulate action before you consciously know anything about it. When you’re anxious, it’s this brain that’s triggered and emotional thinking may swamp your ability to think straight.

How do you get your thinking brain back in the loop?

• First, understand the ability of your emotional brain to hijack you, and recognise the symptoms – in this thinking style, there are no in-betweens, you think in black and white, and you can come to extreme conclusions (that can be extremely unhelpful to you).
• Second, get yourself out and do something that’s completely different and absorbing. This will help to switch off your red alert thinking, and let your more rational, objective thinking get back on board.

4. Get communal

We all need community: other people to support us and help us hang in there when things get tough.

We need positive, nurturing and uplifting people who encourage and believe in us, and who help us see things from different, more helpful perspectives. We need to give that sort of attention too – to be that positive, nurturing and uplifting influence for others, as part of a friendship group, or through a volunteering activity, perhaps.

Fear and anxiety can diffuse dramatically once you start to look outwards rather than inwards.

So make sure you have both types of community in your life – receiving and giving.