Relationship Reality Check

What stands in the way of you being happy right now?

This is a question that I find very useful to ask my clients whenever they are going through relationship issues. They might be thinking of leaving an existing relationship, they may have left the relationship and wonder if they really did the right thing, or they may be searching for their soulmate and wondering if they will ever find each other.

When I ask them “what stands in the way of you being happy right now?” I discover one incredible truth that’s the same for everyone.

In order to be happy you cannot argue with reality.

The reality is that the situation you are in, for whatever reason, is where you are right now. You simply cannot argue with “what is.”

Resistance is futile

Whatever your situation, it’s exactly the way it is and to argue with reality by putting up a great deal of resistance towards it will always lead to upset and frustration. How many people do you know who are looking for relationships or who are recovering from old ones who argue with reality? I’ll bet it’s the majority.

The good news is that you can train yourself to live in reality and as soon as you do, then a whole world of relationship possibilities opens up to you. You stop resisting your current situation and start living in to your desired outcome.

Let me give you an example.

Getting real

Recently a client came to me in an unhappy relationship. The relationship had been drifting for several years and she was no longer able to live with the status quo, nor was she able to leave. She resisted and resisted the reality of her situation until she tied herself up in knots, lost her concentration and focus, and walked around in a daze of indecision and upset.

Time for a Relationship Reality Check.

When we began to look at the reality of the situation, she could clearly see the truth of the matter. She could see where she compromised, pretended, hoped and wished. She realised that she was not getting her own values met, neither of them were able to grow together and the reality was this relationship was not going to change. It was complete.

As soon as she got back in touch with reality and stopped resisting “what is,” a great weight was lifted and she could now do what she needed to do to move forward.

We all know that it takes two to make a relationship, but the truth is that if you don’t truly accept ‘what is’, if you are argue with your reality, you could find yourself in a relationship that simply does not work for you.

So stop resisting, get real and do what it takes to consciously stay in reality in your relationship.

Five Top Relationship Reality Checks

Stay in Reality

No “if onlys” – no “perhaps,” no “hopefullys.” Stay with “what is” and work from there.

Hold on To You

Don’t lose your identity. You are more than just your relationship. That’s one possible part of your life and there are so many others. Hold on to you and hold on to your own reality

Drop the Drama

Have personal pride and don’t spill yourself all over your friends like an episode of Eastenders. Keep your dignity in front of the masses. Drama prolongs “what isn’t” and keeps you from handling “what is.”

Learn From Your Situation

Get real. What behaviours must not be repeated in your next relationship or continue in your current one. Where do you resist reality and live in fantasy?

Get Up, Get Over it and Get Happy

Thank your lucky stars you are back in touch with reality and are ready to design relationships that work.