I need to stop being angry with my Dad
Angel asks:
I didn’t see much of my Dad as a child because he was a busy doctor, but I really put him on a pedestal. I worked hard to try to make him proud, but I never got a reaction – he was brought up to not show his emotions, in a different country and culture.
At 23 I am now on the same career path as him, but I am nasty to him and always angry with him for no reason. He doesn’t deserve it – he gives me so much. I also get defensive around men as I was bullied lots when I was younger by boys and it’s affecting my relationships- or lack of.
Fiona Harrold says..
Let me get straight to the point. Forgiveness is the key here. I understand totally that your dad wasn't there for you in the way you wanted him to be when you were growing up. But, nothing is going to change that. Letting go of that disappointment or resentment begins with your decision to forgive him, and even being willing to forgive is enough to start that process.
Write down this statement every day at least 20 times: 'I am now ready to forgive Dad'. Soon enough, you can move on to: 'I now forgive Dad totally'. You can play with the wording to include specifics like, forgiving him for not showing that he loved you.
Remember that he clearly does love you. Part of his working so hard was to provide for you and he took that responsibility very seriously, perhaps too seriously. You say he gives you so much now. What does that giving signify but love and admiration?
You would really benefit from giving yourself some sessions with Cherry Claus or Sue Smith to beef up your assertiveness around men and stop this pattern in your relationships before it goes any further. You're worth it!
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