Be Gorgeous
Module 6: You Sexy Thing!

Bien Dans sa Peau

So, how do we go about harnessing this illusive sex appeal? The French have a saying: “etre bien dans sa peau”  Literally translated, to be good in one’s skin. To feel at home with your body.

Allow me to elaborate:

I was recently on holiday in Spain. My daughters were desperate to see flamenco dancing, so we found a restaurant advertising a show and took our seats. The lights dimmed, the music started, and a solitary figure took to the stage.

My heart sank when I saw that our sole performer for the evening was a small, slight sixty-year-old man. No women in pretty dresses, just an old age pensioner. How wrong I was. I have never seen a more skilful dancer in my life. Agile, passionate and proud, he epitomised the essence of Flamenco.

My daughters were absolutely entranced.

It just goes to show that true glamour has little to do with flounces and frills. This man’s magic came from within. When he danced, he felt the music, and expressed it’s essence through every pore of his body. So focused on his dancing, he took on an almost animal-like quality. Very very gorgeous, believe me.

Now, aesthetically speaking, the dancer was no oil painting. With leathery skin and a stringy body, he would not have turned many heads. But after the show, he had queues of women lining up to steal a dance. Why? He was good in his own skin. He had tremendous sex appeal.

“How does this help me, I can’t dance to save my life!” I hear you cry.

Perhaps it’s time to awaken the dancer within. Don’t worry; we’ll do it in the privacy of your own home.

Dancing Queen

When was the last time you really danced? When you just let your body move freely and joyously to music, without embarrassment?

Take a moment to replay the event now. Perhaps you were at a club with a group of friends, or dancing barefoot in the moonlight. Maybe you need to dig deep and access your childhood memories.

I adore dancing, but I don’t do it nearly as often as I should. One of my favourite things to do is to turn the music up really loud and dance around the house with my daughters. I love to watch young children dance. Only the very young free themselves with such abandon to music.

As we grow up, we become conscious of our bodies, worried we are looking stupid; worried we just don’t have what it takes to dance. That we can’t do it properly. The good thing about dancing is that there IS no right or wrong. Anything goes. It’s a truly free form of expression, and a great way to get in touch with your body.

Dancing is gorgeous. It’s a fabulous tool of attraction, too. Go to any club, and watch the average-looking men who can dance as they pull all the attractive girls. It’s a wonderful way to get close to your partner, too. To create romance and intimacy in a long-term relationship.

But first, let’s concentrate on dancing just for you. Just for the joy of it.

Your dance

I suggest you do this next exercise one evening when the house is empty. Draw the curtains, light some candles, and pour a glass of your favourite tipple. Chardonnay or cherryade, whatever takes your fancy. Take some time having a good look through your CD collection.

You’re looking for 3 specific pieces of music:

• Something upbeat that makes you happy (Mine is James Brown “I feel good”)
• Something undeniably sexy (“Let’s get it on” by Marvin Gaye does it for me)
• Something slow, more tender. (I chose Sinead O’Connor “Nothing compares to you”)

Now I want you to play the first piece of music, the happy one.

Just move freely around the room. Loosen up and stretch your muscles. Focus your movement on your shoulders, hips, legs and arms in turn. You might want to sing along. Some people close their eyes and dance. Do whatever feels right and makes you happy. There’s nobody around to tell you you’re doing it wrong!

When the music has finished, sit quietly for a moment, and be aware of how you feel, both physically and emotionally. Are you out of breath? Do you feel energised, or just plain silly? Just like any skill, dancing takes practice. This is just the beginning.

It’s time to get sexy next. Put on the second piece of music.

I want you to imagine yourself as an animal. What would the truly gorgeous you be? A sensual cat, a proud horse, a graceful deer? It’s up to you. Play. Have fun. Move like your chosen animal. You don’t necessarily need to get down on all fours, just imagine that animal’s movement qualities, and use them in your own dancing. Just enjoy being free, feeling sexy in your own right.

Take a few moments to think how this felt. Next time you do this exercise, you won’t need to think about your animal. The connection will already have been made.

The next dance is all about using your body to express your emotions.

Perhaps you chose a piece of music that brought back memories. Get back in touch with this through your dancing. How does it feel to be moving more slowly? Is there more of a flow in your body? Are you expressing happiness or sadness? Does dancing in this way feel good, or are you feeling sceptical?

The more you do it, the easier dancing will become, and the more you’ll enjoy the experience.

Enjoy your dancing

• Affirm your new role as a great dancer.
  Write an affirmation such as “I am a fabulous dancer. I enjoy moving to music”, and display this on your bathroom mirror, the fridge, somewhere you will look on a regular basis. Get into the habit of thinking this way.
• Still not convinced of your dancing skills?
  Find a salsa class. Take a friend for moral support. Maybe you’d prefer to try something less intimidating, like line dancing. Let go of those inhibitions and pre-conceived ideas. Stop worrying about looking cool. Just dance, laugh, have fun.
• Dance wherever and whenever possible
  If there’s a song you like on the radio, dance. Whilst writing this instalment, I’ve made an effort to dance more. I’ve had more fun, I feel fitter, and my stress levels are lower.
• Remember, dancing is not all about technique
  At college, I shared a house with a group of girls from an internationally famous dance academy. Now, on stage, these girls were poetry in motion. Technical perfection. But put them in a social setting, where they were dancing just for fun, and their movements looked much more ordinary, sometimes even a little awkward, stilted and out of touch. It ain’t what you do; it’s the way that you do it.
• Would you like to go to a club, or dance at parties, but are worried in case your moves are out- dated?
  If so, invite a friend, get glammed up, and hit the town. Visit a fabulous club, and sit a little away from the dance floor. Spend some time observing how the good dancers move. Look for steps that will be easy to copy. Go home, and practice in front of your bedroom mirror. Keep doing this until you’ve got some foolproof moves that feel right for you.

Okay, so you’re on your way to becoming a fabulous dancer.

Now, let’s explore everyday Body Language.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and doubted the sincerity of their words? Perhaps you have had past experiences that tell you that this person is not to be trusted. Or perhaps you were accessing their inner thoughts, by picking up on clues in their body language.

Many of us are totally unaware that our body language: how we sit, stand, walk, dance etc, is a strong indicator of how we are actually feeling. Imagine the advantage we have when we become aware of the power of these unconscious messages.

The mindful use of body language works in two ways.

• Firstly, we can train our bodies to give off the right signals for particular situations: assertive during a difficult meeting, sexy and interested when we want to get that hot date.
• Secondly, we can use this special insight we gain about those around us to enhance our communication.

Basically, we can use our bodies to help us get what we want.

Top 10 Body Language Tips

1. Entering a room
   Take a few moments to collect yourself. Do some deep breathing and shake out your shoulders. Make sure you are standing tall. Think gorgeous, and in you go.
2. Walk with purpose
   Quickly scan the room, and then focus on where you want to go. Walk at moderate speed, with your head held high.
3. Own your space
   Spend a few seconds establishing yourself in your space. Make sure you feel safe. Actors are trained to centre themselves, so that they can stand firm and feel grounded on stage. Use this technique. Connect with the floor by consciously feeling it beneath your feet.
4. Keep your body open
   If you want people to approach you, it’s important that you give out welcoming signals with your body. I’m not talking about come-hither looks, but about making sure we aren’t using our body as a barrier against human contact. Keep arms unfolded, don’t over cross your legs. Make sure that when you are in conversation, you keep your mouth visible. If you’re in the habit of covering it with your hand, take steps to break this.
5. Eye contact
   Make a quick assessment of how much eye contact a person is comfortable with. Get into their pattern of eye contact, and then try to engage them further.
6. Watch your posture
   If you want to look younger, slimmer, more intelligent, confident and in control, you need to have positive posture. Simple as that. Bad posture means slouching, round shoulders and sloppy limbs. Good posture is strong back, firm feet and straight but relaxed shoulders.
7. Take a good look in a full-length mirror
   Where is your posture selling you short? Iron out any creases. Get some professional help, if you need to. Try Alexander Technique, dancing and Pilates.
8. Accentuate the positive
   We all have a particularly gorgeous body part. Earlier on in the course, you identified yours. Think how you can walk/ stand/ sit to accentuate this. Perhaps you love your breasts. Check your posture, uncross your arms, and get ready for a lot of attention. Maybe your arms are your best part. Think how to best show them off.
9. Break bad habits
   Perhaps you’ve allowed your body language to slip into bad habits as a way to camouflage your not so perfect parts. Let’s break those habits right now, and start making the most of the new, improved you. Hunching your shoulders and folding your arms will NOT disguise your tummy. Good posture will.
10. Develop your walk
    Find a pavement café, buy yourself a cappuccino, and spend an hour people- watching. Look for gorgeous, sexy walks. Identify somebody with a walk you love, and start to model this. Do you like a strong, controlled stride, or a Marilyn Monroe style wiggle? Practise until the walk becomes your own. In the meantime, fake it with style.

Think Yourself Gorgeous

So here we are, almost at the end of the course.

You look and feel much more gorgeous. Are you thinking more gorgeously, too?

Towards the end of our coaching time, I offer clients the opportunity to take part in an experiment. We arrange to meet on two separate evenings, but wear the same clothes, make up, shoes, even perfume, on both nights. We visit the same swanky, crowded bar, sit in the same area and order exactly the same drinks.

The two evenings sound identical, right?

Wrong.

There are two major differences:

• our state of mind
• the amount of fun and attention we have.

On the first evening, we arrive with no pre-conceived ideas or plans. We simply turn up. The conversation is usually good, and we chat to other customers if they approach us. A regular night out. Sound familiar?

The second evening is totally different. From the moment we open our eyes on the morning of the date, we start thinking gorgeous thoughts. We regularly affirm our gorgeousness. This continues throughout the day, and as we prepare and dress for our evening out.

Same shoes, different attitude.

We make sure we allow ourselves a few minutes in our Gorgeous Zone, to relax and get in the mood. Then we hit the town!

From the moment we enter the bar, we turn heads. We attract far more attention than we can handle. We make new friends. We are treated like celebrities. What makes the difference? Our positive, gorgeous state of mind.

“In essence, you are gorgeous to the extent that you believe you are.”
Fiona Harrold

Actions of the Week

1. Dance

They’re playing your song. Get up and strut your gorgeous stuff. Say no to thoughts of “sitting this one out.” Go ahead and join the dance. You owe it to yourself.

2. Keep on Writing that Journal

Let me know when you celebrate your first journal-writing anniversary.

3. Call in the Professionals

Invest in regular facials. Book an Image Consultation. Keep your hair chic and glossy. These are not luxuries. You’ve earned them.

4. Begin each morning visualising your best, most attractive you

Affirm your gorgeousness. Take steps towards your goals every day.

5. Sit in your Gorgeous Zone, and think back over the past 6 weeks

Picture your rose in full bloom. Feel proud of how far you’ve come. Enjoy looking forward to the wonderful life ahead of you. It’s there for the taking – TAKE IT!

This isn’t the end of your journey. It’s just the beginning. Keep on being gorgeous, and spread some charm and beauty in this world.

I wish you all the very best.