Simplify Your Life
Module 6: The Balancing Act

Understand stress

We’ve all heard of the ‘fight or flight’ response that has been passed to us from our ancestors. The stress response is part of our programming to prepare us for danger. Admittedly these days we very rarely need to run for our life from a predator or hunt our food to survive. However, we now need to cope with pressurised daily lives, working long hours, commuting, arranging childcare, caring for family, study and socialising.

Stress occurs when we think the demands of a situation exceeds our ability to cope. It is your perception that makes it threatening. This is why if you are working as a project team to a deadline one person may rate the stress highly while another seemingly copes. The main difference between those who cope with stress and those who don’t is the varying interpretation of what is happening around us and our subsequent physical and emotional response to that demand.

Stress-prone people will perceive a situation to be stressful even when the same situation is not perceived stressful by another person. When you receive an unbalanced demand your body reacts both psychologically and physically. In short, your level of stress is directly related to your thoughts and whether you feel you can meet the demand that is being placed on you at the time.

Many people fail to act on the warning signs of stress, the symptoms of which vary from person to person and situation to situation. Physical stress symptoms can include neck ache, headache, muscle tension, tiredness, feeling rundown, rapid heartbeat, increased speed of breathing, change in sleeping patterns, stomach upsets, colds and infections. Emotional changes include feelings of anxiety, irritability, tearfulness, aggression, confusion and a lack of concentration. You may also notice behavioural changes like a drop in your work productivity or an increase in smoking or drinking as misplaced coping mechanisms.

Generally, health professionals agree, there are three types of stress. As you read this consider which stress mode you most often encounter.

• Anticipatory stress
  When you worry about something that is yet to happen. For example you may have a performance review next month and you are already anxious about the outcome.
• Situation stress
  When there is an immediate threat, for example your car sliding out of control on a wet road. Typically, these are external pressures like an accident or death.
• Chronic stress
  Usually experienced over a long period of time and may include stress from a difficult working environment or an unhealthy relationship. Excessive amounts of stress, to the point of not being able to cope can lead to mental illness, including depression which requires immediate professional medical assistance.

Look for your personal stress triggers

Once you know how your body displays stress, it makes sense to take a step back even further and identify your personal stress triggers. This is what you are actually worrying about or what is causing stress. At this point understand that you may not be able to control a situation, but you can control your response. For example rush hour traffic and a toddler’s temper tantrum aren’t going to disappear in an instant, but your stress can be reduced by managing how you respond. Like many things in life, it’s mostly about your attitude!

I’ve seen stressed out executives take a week off work to unwind from huge pressures however on their return the stress levels immediately return as they haven’t changed the original situation. This highlights the importance of identifying the actual trigger and not just managing the symptom. Time out of the office or away from the kids may reduce your stress levels temporarily but certainly won’t fix the problem.

While not a comprehensive list, here are some common home and work stress triggers that clients regularly share with me:

• a demanding manager
• personality clashes with work colleagues
• unreliable staff
• redundancies
• being alone
• commuting
• having no social network
• a health issue
• disagreements in a relationship.

A recent US study reported top stress triggers in this order

• personal finances
• career
• too many responsibilities
• marriage
• health
• children
• loneliness
• sex
• relatives
• neighbours.

Stress management

What if you could actually reduce stress to create more balance in your life?

This isn’t a trick question, because you can make the choice to manage stress. I can already hear you suspiciously asking ‘is it really possible to manage the level of stress in my life?’ It’s a concept that sounds almost impossible to achieve. I suggest a simple approach of dealing with your stress triggers. A word of warning – reducing and managing stress is a process, there is simply no short term quick fix.

While you may have identified your stress triggers, the important part of the equation is knowing when its time to act. Learn to recognise when you are being affected by stress – that’s the symptoms we looked at in the last section. Often your friends, family or colleagues may notice the symptoms of stress you are displaying before you logically realise them. So be quick to tune into the feedback you receive, whether it’s a caring word from a friend or a shooting pain in your shoulders as you rush to meet a deadline.

Can’t find time to deal with stress?

It’s simple, you just have to find the time. Unless you downshift your life the stress is here to stay. And worse still, if you ignore stress its going to build until boiling point. Something has to give. Create a saner, more balanced life by managing stress.

Eliminate it!

This may sound harsh, but its obvious – if you are stressed out, identify the source and eliminate it. Here are some self-coaching questions you can ask yourself when you are experiencing stress:

1. What is the issue or problem?
2. What led to this or caused me to become stressed?
3. What can I do to change or eliminate the situation?
4. What is the best option for me to reduce stress?

This may all sound easier said than done, so here’s some real life examples of how to eliminate stress.

Like many of us, Sarah (29) has a common daily routine that heightens her stress responses. At the end of a busy working day she returns home to prepare a meal, feed pets and manage her household. On top of this the phone seems to ring incessantly, quickly raising the stakes.

Sarah has chosen a few simple ideas to eliminate stress in her evening, she now screens calls using an answer phone, buys occasional healthy takeaways and shares cooking responsibilities with her boyfriend.

Sarah has been surprised at how her new calm has come about, by making small changes to a series of activities that previously bothered her immensely.

One of the most common issues we deal with in our coaching practice is clients trying to cope with the stress of an excessive workload.

Before you discuss your workload with your manager, first take control by working through the action tasks in this course and committing to positive plans to simplify and increase your efficiency. Evaluate how you can manage your time better, how you can improve your flow of work, what needs to be different for you to be able to manage the work you have. If you are taking on more work than you can actually cope with, try delegating or negotiating more realistic deadlines on your projects. If the stress you experience is mainly associated with your workload, revisit modules three and four for ideas on how to control the influx of information in your daily life.

Use the strategies outlined to restructure your day to minimise stress wherever possible. Set new boundaries for how you interact and relate with others.

Create time to slow down

In today’s fast paced world we often forget to relax.

It’s common for people to have lots of things to do, to cram their life full of things and to get a kick out of the fact they seem to manage it and get a stress rush. You will know that you need to slow down if the pace of your life is affecting other areas of your life. Maybe stress at work is leading to a breakdown of a close relationship. Perhaps your work or personal life is so hectic that you rarely prioritise your well-being, leaving you run-down and prone to illness.

To live a balanced life and reduce stress it is vital you create time to slow down, no matter how demanding you think your life is.

How to slow down

The key to creating time to slow down is to find relaxation techniques that work best for you and fit your lifestyle.

Just because your best friend swears by dawn beach walks, doesn’t mean its ideal for you, instead you may prefer evening yoga sessions. Relaxation takes many forms and can include exercise, reading, listening to music and walking. Finding a mere 10 minutes a day to sit, close your eyes and simply do nothing can have a profound impact on your ability to cope with stress.

Many of my clients have chosen to set aside some time every day to centre their thoughts, either first thing in the morning, in the evening or escaping at lunchtime to a nearby park.

I recall a client telling me he drives home after work and before going inside sits quietly in the car listening to a jazz CD for 10 minutes of solitude before switching to his home mode. Another escapes a hectic work day before the stress reaches boiling point and retreats to the bathroom to sit for 10 minutes, focussing on her breathing. She often uses the time to focus her energy before giving important presentations while everyone else is madly rushing around making last minute amendments.

Whether your opt for meditation or a brisk walk, solitude is essential for surviving stress.

All the health experts I have spoken with agree that managing stress is best achieved by living a healthy lifestyle – eating well, exercising regularly and relaxing. Without a doubt, good health is the foundation for managing stress and balancing energy in your daily life.

In coaching clients on a range of issues the best guidance is not to try and make too many changes at once, especially when it comes to healthy living. You may decide to stop smoking, reduce your alcohol consumption, stop eating junk food and begin an exercise programme. Just pick one area to begin with and focus on it 100%.

As the changes become part of you regular daily habits build on this momentum by making another change. For example, as you increase your fitness, then you can add in a healthier eating plan to ensure that your lifestyle improvements are long lasting. Just as you brush your teeth every morning without a second thought, aim to have your new healthy living habits incorporated into your schedule in the same way.

Actions of the Week

1. Identify your stress triggers

Think back to the last time you experienced stress and recall how you displayed it. Did you feel tense, tired or grumpy? List all the physical and emotional symptoms you experienced. Use this information to help you identify stressful situations in the future.

2. Keep a stress log for a fortnight

At the end of each day recall when you were stressed and what triggered the situation? Rate your stress levels on a scale of one to five. Once your log is completed, identify any patterns or trends that show your personal stress triggers.

3. 10 minute challenge

Spend 10 minutes every day simply doing nothing!

For a lot of people this is not at all easy at first, but a physical and mental break of just a few minutes can have a very powerful effect on how you deal with the rest of the day. And everyone can spare 10 minutes.

Make this part of your regular self-care as a way of switching off, decompressing and relaxing. You may choose to meditate, deep breathe or do gentle stretches, but best of all is just to sit somewhere quiet and comfortable and close your eyes.

4. Draw up a list of 10 ways you like to unwind and relax

Look at how you can incorporate at least one relaxation technique in your daily routine.

Congratulations!

Remember the famous quote ‘it only takes one person to change your life – you!’

You have committed to six weeks of self-guided learning in how to SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE. Throughout the past month and a half you have cleared clutter, learned to manage time better, organise your daily life, take control of your finances and minimise your stress. Keep it up!