Relaunch Your Life
Module 2: Creating a Dynamic Future

Your Values

In order to become excited, you have to know where you are going and how you plan to get there. In order to stay excited, you must be living a life in line with your values.

• Do you know what your values are?
• Have you ever spent time deciding on what you value?

Conflict in our lives often occurs when our values are not in line with what we are doing. For example, a man loves his wife and children. He values spending time with them. However, he has taken a job that takes him away from them six days a week. He will be in painful conflict.

Another way that values cause conflict is if you value two opposite goals at the same time. One good example is a person who has both the values of freedom and of intimacy. This person will have lots of conflict in her life until she (or he!) decides which value is more important to her.

If you have ever set goals and found yourself sabotaging your success, it may have been because your goals were not in line with your values. You didn’t choose goals that were valuable to you.

So, how do you go about determining your values?

Some were set for you by your environment as a child. You learned many of your values from your parents. Some you may not even want to have anymore. This module will help you determine your values, so that you can set goals that will work.

First, find a quiet place where you will be uninterrupted for the next half hour. Seek out a place that appeals to you. You might want to put on some soft music that you like. Light a candle. Make it relaxing. Next, think of what you value. List these values.

Add those values to the list below and rank them in order, with one being what you value the most.

• Love
• Adventure
• Family
• Health
• Freedom
• Security
• Excitement
• Power
• Passion
• Accomplishment
• Honesty
• Charity
• Service
• Leisure
• Commitment
• Spirituality

Are you finding this hard to do? Most things worth doing are hard to do. Really spend some time with this.

After you have finished, take your list of values that you have now placed in order.

• Does this list suit you?
• Are you finding anything that is incongruous?

If not, analyze the list for conflicting values. Do you have security as number one and adventure as number two? Do you have leisure as number one and accomplishment as number two? That’s a major conflict! Think about these values. Are any of these values limiting you? Do any hold you back? If so, eliminate them! It’s that easy!

Take your list and eliminate any value that you do not feel supports you. Once you have this in your conscious mind it is easier to see how the values you’ve held have stopped you along the way. For example, security used to be my number one value. Adventure was my second. This caused some major conflicts in my life until I realized that I do not NEED security, but I do need adventure! It may be the opposite for you.

Finally, use the list to guide you! Keep it handy. Whenever someone asks you to do something, think about the list. If what they want you to do does not fit in with your values, say, “No, thank you.” (We will talk about assertiveness later!)

Values and Integrity

Your values are important because they help you live with integrity. Integrity is vital to turning your life around. We all know people that we admire because they are true to themselves. Mother Theresa comes to mind. She wanted to accomplish something to help others and she did. She was a person of high integrity.

Integrity to yourself means that you stop deceiving yourself. Lying to yourself is the worst thing you can do. Not being able to trust yourself is a horrible way to live. Another way we steal our integrity is through acting like a victim. The victim mentality is self-destructive. Yes, bad things have happened to you. Not to diminish those horrible things, but bad things happen to lots of people. The time for the “Woe is me” chat has passed!

Every single time you reminisce on how bad your life has been you reinforce the negative concept. It is a self-destructive cycle. If you continually talk negatively, you will bring more negative things into your life. Your subconscious brain only does what it is programmed to do. If you say you are a victim, your subconscious mind continues to program you to be a victim. This is why you end up with the same type of relationship over and over again.

We will talk more about positive talk and the victim mentality in another module. For now, just try to speak as positively as you can. The old adage, “If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything” applies here!

Your Mission in Life

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is unique as his specific opportunity.” Viktor Frankl

If you could rate the passion you have for your life on a scale of 1 to 10, where would you rate yourself?

Most people I’ve worked with would pick a two or three. That’s sad, considering we all have the power to live at a nine or ten consistently. I’m not being unrealistic. We CHOOSE how we react to situations. We also choose to be happy or sad. That’s a fact of life.

One way you can help choose to be happy all the time is by having a personal mission statement. It is one of the easiest ways to get and stay motivated. It gives you a focus – a center to come back to when you feel lost and confused. Your mission statement may change over the years, but it will help guide you in difficult times.

Be very clear about this next point. Your mission statement is not your career category or your role in life. Your mission statement is not “journalist” or “sanitation worker” or even “mother”, “wife”, or “caretaker”. Your mission statement should capture the essence of WHO you are and WHAT you feel is important for your life.

Creating Your Personal Mission Statement

Find a quiet place, like you did for the values exercise. Take out your journal. Open it to a blank page and list everything that you think is important in your life.

• Think about who you want to become, not just what you want to gain from life.
• Answer questions such as:
  • What do I want to give to the world?
  • Who do I most admire and why?
  • Would I want the character traits of that person to describe me?

This is an eye-opening exercise. It gives you a chance to dig deeper into yourself to see who you are. All too often we do not give ourselves the credit we deserve!

Now, take those answers and your list of values.

• Do you see a recurring theme?
• Do you see a pattern?
• What is that pattern?

Take a breather after you’ve gotten this far. Walk away and let the ideas percolate in your brain for a day or two. You’ll be pleasantly surprised when you come back to this. Your brain is constantly working and will have new ideas for you.

After some time has passed, come back to the activity.

Do you see a pattern? Now, how do you want to apply that to your life?

Take this pattern and see what all the elements have in common. Also think about key areas in your life and how you would apply your newfound knowledge to those areas.

Now, all you have to do is WRITE the mission statement. For most people this is the hardest part. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It should be no more than two sentences because you want to remember it easily.

Here is an example of a mission statement. Mine as it happens.

I will inspire others through teaching them how to live more productive lives.

Your mission statement does not have to be exactly like mine. It just needs to be done. Take some time now to write your mission statement. Keep in mind that the statement is not set in stone – you can add to it, or even change it, if necessary.

Now that you have a mission statement – you have your purpose in life. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Post it where you can see it everyday.

Then, smile and take a breather

Actions of the Week

1. Make a contribution

Give something back to society. What we sow, we reap. It is so important to give. You will find out that what you put out there comes back to you. In your journal, make a list of ten people that you can do something for with no hope of getting something in return. Now, go do it! Then, come back and write down how it made you feel.

2. Do one thing you fear

This is tough. Start small. Pick one thing that terrifies you and do it. Risk is a crucial aspect of changing your life. It can be as simple as asking someone for a date or jumping off the high diving board at the pool. It is a wonderful feeling when you conquer a fear.

3. Get naked!

Bet that caught your eye! What I mean is that you need to strip off the masks that you’ve used to protect yourself. You put on faces for different people. Be honest with someone you trust about who you really are.

3. Find a mentor

We will discuss this in much more detail later. For now, all it means is find someone you greatly admire. It may be someone you know, or you may choose someone famous. For now, just search for someone that embodies most of the characteristics you admire.

4. Jump!

Take ten minutes a day and get out there and exercise. Not to lose weight (although that could be an added benefit), but to get energized. The more energetic you are – the more enthusiastic you are able to be. So, get off the couch and go outside. Walk around your neighbourhood paying attention to all the small things that you are usually too busy to see. Enjoy the fresh air and listen to the joyful sounds of the children playing. Let their energy seep into you. Become inspired.

5. Keep up the gratitude attitude

Keep listing ten things that you are grateful for in your journal every single night. Do not go to bed until you have done this. I am sure you are already seeing what a difference it can make in your life. You must be happy with what you have before you will be rewarded with better gifts! That is one reason why your mother always made you say “thank you” for your birthday presents.

Until next week, keep smiling!