Ultimate Stress Buster
Module 4: A Helping Hand

Module Intro

Welcome back to The Ultimate Stress Buster. You’ve spent time taking a look at how you can begin to regain control which is an important step in tackling your stress.

This week, we are going to take this concept one step further by looking at what you can do both to support yourself and gain support from others.

Part One

Whenever you are under stress, the first line of defence is you and what you can do to reduce the negative effects of stress. Quite simply the more that you can do to reduce these negative effects, the more successful you’ll be at controlling your stress.

Expanding Your Awareness

So, what can you do to reduce the negative effects of stress?

Well, the first step is to recognise the negative effects, so that you can choose to take action. Noticing when you stress levels begin to rise or which type of situations are likely to cause you to feel stressed is vital. The exercises that you completed in the previous weeks will have begun to raise your awareness of this. Now, you need to decide what you will do in response!

The person behind the driving seat is you now, so if you are really serious about conquering your stress, then you need to look at the type of support you will need. However, in order for you to decide what support you require, you need to know where you are going.

What are You Ultimately Wanting to Achieve?

Is it to conquer your stress, become more relaxed, more able to cope or is it to be more in control? Before we continue, take a few moments to decide what it is you are ultimately aiming for.

Write this down in a positive way i.e. instead of writing I want to react less to stressful situations, convert this into a positive statement such as “I want to react in a calm and positive way to stressful situations”

Whatever you write down as your goal, make sure that you understand what that means in real terms. Taking the above example ” I want to react in a calm and positive way to stressful situations”

  • what would reacting in a calm and positive way mean?
  • How would your behaviour be different?
  • How would you tell if you were succeeding?

Make sure that you write the answers to these down in positive terms, not:

I wouldn’t be as stressed/ cranky/ or irritable

think about what the opposite of this would be:

I would be calmer, my hands would be still and my shoulders more relaxed and I would listen more to what others had to say, giving myself time to take in what has been said before formulating my reaction.

Sometimes, it’s far easier to think in terms of what we wouldn’t do or what we wouldn’t say, but the real benefit is in identifying the behaviour or outcome we would like.

Part Two

Who do You Need to Be?

In order for you to achieve your goal in terms of managing your stress, who do you need to be or become?

For example, do you need to become more determined or disciplined to apply these stress management techniques? Do you need to become more resourceful? More relaxed? More tolerant?

This is a crucial part of supporting yourself to achieve what you ultimately want. Because, unless you can be or become the person that is needed to achieve the goal, the likelihood of you achieving long-term benefits are minimal.

Once you have identified who or what you need to be or become, ask yourself “How can I achieve that?” What do you need to do differently?

What Can You Do to Support Yourself?

In addition to being or becoming the type of person who’s an accomplished stress-buster, there are several things that you can do to support yourself.

The good think about self-support is that it’s under your control and therefore often the most reliable! So what can you do to help yourself overcome, reduce and prevent the build-up of stress?

The first important step is to take responsibility for reducing your stress.

I know that this seems an obvious step but very often we feel that “outside” sources or “other people” are the cause of our stress. However, regardless of who or what appears to be the stressor – it is you that decides whether you find this stressful and it is you who can decide to do something about it.

Write out a list of all the things you could do in order to support yourself. Put down as many different things as you can think of that you can do which will contribute in some small way to you reducing and or managing your stress.

To give you some examples, you might include:

  • monitoring your negative thoughts and beliefs and transforming them into more supportive and positive ones;
  • reducing the amount of caffeine or any other chemical substance which raises stress levels;
  • going for a walk in your lunch break;
  • using positive body language i.e. looking up as opposed to down (this does affect your mood!), sitting and walking upright, smiling (or faking it until you make it!);
  • reminding yourself to relax the muscles in your shoulders and neck and regulating your breathing.

These are just a few ideas, we’ll be covering many more over the next two sessions.

Part Three

Where else can you find support?

Sometimes, there comes a time when you just can’t manage to reduce your stress on your own, you need some help.

Support comes in many different forms and a strong support network is an essential part of stress management. The acceptance that we need help is often an obstacle that needs to be addressed beforehand.

So, ask yourself two questions:

  • how bad does it have to be before I am willing to ask for help?
  • How does this reluctance to ask for help affect my ability to deal with stress?

No one person can provide us with all our needs for support, therefore it’s essential to be able to identify support from a variety of different areas.

Emotional Support

When we’re under stress, emotional support can be an important asset. This can come from family, friends, colleagues or professionals who can listen to our concerns, the people who are on our side and provide us with a safe refuge. So, start by identifying who is in your emotional support network. Make a list of the names of people who you could turn to who can offer the kind of emotional support you need.

Financial Support

Financial support can help alleviate the pressure of financial burdens or the worry of them. This may come in the form of long-term advice or short-term measures. Support of this nature often comes from professionals, organisations or from extended family. If this is a possible source of your stress, then reviewing the support that you need and looking at who you need in your support network is a good first step.

Managerial or Organisational Support

Managerial or organisational support is important in any career and can provide assistance in overcoming the challenges that cause work place stress. If you are challenged by workplace stress ask yourself who you know either inside or outside your organisation that may be able to help you.

Practical Support

Practical support can come in many shapes and forms from asking for help from co-workers / hiring a cleaner or a nanny to booking an aromatherapy massage when you’re too tired to exercise but need a supportive form of relaxation.

Part Four

Expand Your Horizons

The more aware you are of what support you would benefit from and the benefits you would gain from that support, the closer you’ll be to conquering your stress.

How aware are you of stress and what can be done to manage it? Is there a particular aspect that you would benefit from learning more about?

A wealth of information and help is available to help you reduce and manage your stress, so what would help you to increase your knowledge about right now and how can you achieve this? Do you need to visit the local library, conduct a search on the internet or maybe dust one of the books off your own bookshelves and read it?

Action!

Actions of the Week

1. Decide what you want to acheive

Write down in positive terms exactly what you are wanting to achieve regarding managing / controlling your stress.

Whatever you write down as your goal, make sure that you understand what that means in real terms.

How would your behaviour be different? How would you tell if you were succeeding?

2. Who do you need to be?

Decide on who or what you need to be or become in order for you to achieve this goal.

Ask yourself “How can I achieve that? And identify what you need to do differently?

3. How can you support you?

Write out a list of all the things you could do in order to support yourself. Put down as many different things as you can think of that you can do which will contribute in some small way to you reducing and or managing your stress.

4.What outside support can you get?

Ask yourself if there is a particular aspect of stress management you would benefit from finding out more about and taker steps to achieve that.

Taking responsibility for dealing with and controlling your stress, is a crucial step in ultimate stress-busting. You made steps towards that when you purchased this course. The next is accepting that you may need help and asking for it. Next week, we’ll be looking at how to attack stress from different angles and exploring further ways reducing and controlling stress.