Be Gorgeous
Module 5: Sense and Sensuality

Welcome back Gorgeous!

Part One

Getting Sensual

Amazing, isn’t it, that Helen Keller was such a truly sensual person, considering the fact that she could neither see, hear nor speak.

In her writings, she urges us to relish all the senses, to soak up the best of life, to appreciate beauty every day. Those of us blessed with all the senses can be guilty of taking sensual pleasures for granted, too busy with the day to day grind to notice the gorgeousness going on around us.

For many years I taught Drama and Multi Sensory Expression to adults with learning disabilities. I was offered some work with a group of students with profound learning disabilities, many of whom were also blind and deaf.

On first meeting the group, I have to admit I felt complete despair. What could I, a drama teacher, do to enrich the lives of these people? I really felt that I had nothing at all that would reach them.

I was totally wrong.

I soon learned that the absence of a certain sense is usually compensated by a more heightened experience of another one. The work was a massive learning curve for both my students and myself. Through them, I came to truly appreciate and savour the delights of the senses. I had never before appreciated the power of smell, touch and taste. A highly visual person, and a singer/actress, I had relied very heavily on the two most obvious of our senses, sight and hearing.

What a lot of gorgeousness I had missed. Not any more.

We already know that being gorgeous is about so much more than clothes and make up. Now let’s get sensual.

First, let’s get something straight. Being sensual, enjoying the experiences of the senses, is not something to feel guilty about. Sensuality is not the mark of a floozy or libertine. It is the privilege of those who care about themselves enough to wake up and smell the coffee.

Or, in my case, the roses.

Part Two

Smell The Roses

It’s late spring as I write this, and roses are in full bloom. I’m sitting at my desk, enjoying some roses from my garden. They are purple coloured, and ever so slightly disreputable looking (I am no Charlie Dimmock). They look sensational, but for me their strongest impact is their beautiful, room-filling aroma. Just inhaling makes me smile. How gorgeous is that?

Let’s just pause a moment, and reflect on scent.

How sad that smell has become one of our least respected senses. In days gone by, scent had a most powerful and influential role. Walk into any traditional Catholic church, and experience the hypnotic effect of ceremonial incense. Think of Cleopatra concocting aromatic potions and scattering fragrant rose petals on her bedroom floor.

When was the last time you really appreciated your sense of smell?

I want you to pause here, and spend a while enjoying the scents around you. Stay at home and wander or go for a scent walk. Breathe deeply. Stop for coffee and savour every drop. Now go home, and start indulging your sense of smell.

Here are some suggestions to get you started with scent:

  • Get those incense cones and scented candles out of the drawer
    Start using them every day, not just on special occasions. Develop a homecoming ritual. Change into comfortable clothes and light some candles. Enjoy the fragrance. It won’t cost much, and, anyway, you’re worth it.
  • Make bath time more pleasurable by adding a few drops of essential oil to the water.
    Read up on aromatherapy, and choose something to suit your mood.
  • No oils to hand?
    Take a square of material, or cut offs from a pair of tights, and make your own bath time bouquet garni. Gather petals or herbs from the garden; add orange or lemon peel – anything natural, which smells good. Make a pouch, tie with ribbon or string, and float this in your bath. Sounds like something my grandmother would have done. That’s no bad thing, mind you.
  • Sprinkle lavender oil on your pillow for a soothing night’s sleep, and a gorgeous awakening.
  • Set aside an hour to go fragrance shopping
    Choose a large store and spray away to your hearts content. Make sure you take a few breaks in the fresh air, or you’ll experience sensory overload. Which fragrance best encapsulates your personality? Are you soft, feminine and floral, like Chanel Cristalle, or Warm, sensuous and earthy, like Aromatics Elixir by Clinique?

    More importantly, what do you want to be? Choose a scent that reflects that quality, and start wearing it now. Notice how the scent gets you in the perfect state of mind.

  • In your journal, make a note of your favourite scents
    These could be anything from freshly baked bread to bonfires. Bring home perfume samples from your shopping trip, and stick these onto the pages. Reserve a few, and use them to scent your car, wardrobe or stationary drawer.
  • Never underestimate smell’s powers of attraction
    We assess a potential mate not only on their looks and conversation, but their unique scent profile. Bear this in mind, and make sure your scent is working for you, not against you. A high level of personal hygiene is a must, but don’t go overboard. Natural smells can be really sexy, too.

Part Three

Taste Buds

Taste is sexy; just think of the famous French Chef, Jean Cristophe Novelli. His passion for food is intoxicating. His French accent and suave Gallic looks help, too, I know, but there is something extremely seductive about being able to cook and eat well.

This week, I want you to really indulge your taste buds. Don’t rush out and buy caviar and fine wines, simple foods will do very nicely. Rather than eating just to satisfy your hunger or craving, I want you to savour every mouthful.

  • Cook a new dish, and taste well to identify every ingredient.
  • Take a trip to the green grocer, and sample some new fruits. Make a fruit salad with rose water and mint
  • Go to a wine or exotic tea tasting
  • Remember the film Nine and a half weeks, where Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger enjoyed a blindfold midnight feast? Play with your food. Taste test. Indulge.
  • Have a picnic, whatever the weather
  • Revisit a favourite childhood food. Feel the memories flood back
  • Invite someone gorgeous round, and cook them a sensual meal
  • Choose a new cuisine, one you’ve never tasted before. Book a table for one, and concentrate on the flavours.

Part Four

Sound Advice

Just stop what you’re doing, and listen.

What are the sounds around you?

For me, there’s the hum of the computer and the sound of waves lapping against pebbles. How often do we consciously take time to listen to what’s going on around us? How often do we actually bother to really, truly listen to other people?

Gorgeous people are great listeners. It’s time to get in tune, and develop your sound skills. Here’s how:

  • For one day, commit to totally focused listening
    When in conversation, stop whatever you are doing. Turn off the TV, put down your book, and give 100% attention to what’s being said. I guarantee this will enhance your communication.
  • Get into the habit of listening with all your senses
    Look at body language, tone of voice, gestures and touch. What’s really being said?
  • Go for a walk – listen to every sound
    Keep your ears open to all possibilities.
  • Listen to music every day
    Vary your play list, and choose music to suit your mood.
  • Find a musical instrument, and enjoy exploring the sounds
    I recently took my daughters to an African drumming workshop. The physical pleasure we got from drumming, dancing, feeling the music’s vibrations was stunning.
  • Record yourself talking and singing
    How does your voice sound? Do you like what you hear? If not, do something about it.
  • Ask a trusted friend to describe your voice in 3 words
    Does the description fit with your true, best self? If not, consider changes. Visit a voice coach. Experiment at home. Sing. Loosen up. Set your voice free.
  • Identify someone who has a really gorgeous voice
    Make it someone of the same sex. Find a recording of this person talking, and play this regularly. What are the qualities you find appealing? Pitch, tone, accent? Use this as you model.

Part Five

Getting in touch

I get very tetchy when people describe me as a “touchy feely” person. Makes me sound like some kind of pervert. Which I’m not, by the way. I do, however, revel in the sense of touch.

How gorgeous to run your fingers through a warm baby’s downy hair, or feel the cool of sand on bare feet on a deserted beach at midnight. Both sensual treats, both completely free of charge.

One comment I invariably receive from clients who have taken my sensual journey is that they spend less money as a result. They don’t have the same need to shop for extravagances. Shopping has become the major creative outlet for so many of us. Let this go, revel in the senses and release your creative side. So much more sexy than yet another pair of shoes. Go barefoot.

Some ideas for getting in touch

  • Prepare a bath, lock the door and spend some time touching your skin
    Try an exfoliating scrub or use a body brush. Touch every part of your body. Come out of the bath, and dry yourself with your fluffiest towel. Sit quietly and apply body lotion or oil, then spend at least 10 minutes just relaxing
  • Go outdoors and feel the sensation of heat or cold on your skin
  • Try a pedicure or body massage
  • Offer to massage a loved one
    Don’t forget children and the elderly love to be touched, too. Give something gorgeous back
  • Make a point of wearing something textured every day
    Image Coaches often suggest that people wanting to appear more approachable, or those wanting to attract a partner, try wearing more tactile clothes. Try it.
  • Find something that you love to touch, and keep it with you
    This could be a scrap of sumptuous fabric, a smooth pebble, a feather
  • Be mindful to touch and hug more
    Check if people are ok with this by trying out a quick touch on the arm. You will soon gauge if this makes them feel uncomfortable.

Part Six

I can see clearly now…

Together, we’ve spent lots of time focusing on the visual. How we look. But what we haven’t explored is how we see.

To see something properly is to take proper notice, to observe. Take the time this week to pay attention to the sights around you. Look at your friends and loved ones with fresh eyes. Drink in every detail.

By focusing on the visual, you will elevate your entire life experience. Here are a few ways to do it:

  • Start appreciating colour
    Look at the sky, and notice how many different shades you can see
  • Take a long look at yourself in the mirror, and create a self-portrait
    If the idea of drawing terrifies you, think about collage or paint
  • Visit an art gallery or exhibition
    Can’t find any? Borrow some large, glossy art books from the library. Spend some time identifying your favourite artists. You may well be surprised! Remember to include your findings in your scrapbook
  • Transform your home into a haven of visual pleasure
    Cast your eye about your surroundings. What’s ugly and needs to go? Do you need more colour, softer lights, more pictures on the walls? It’s the little things that make all the difference
  • Consider how you use your eyes to express yourself
    Eye contact is a highly potent signal of attraction. Do you flash a fleeting glance, or is a slow, steady gaze more your style? Ask a trusted friend to rate your eye contact. If you need to do more, get out there and practise. If you see someone you like, force yourself to make eye contact with them. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
  • Start each day in a positive frame of mind
    Make the area you see when you first open your eyes as visually gorgeous as possible. Clear away any clutter, hang a motivational picture. Ropey furniture? Drape a beautiful scarf. Start as you mean to go on. This really does work.

Action!

Actions of the Week

1. Schedule some vital “Me Time”

Stay home. Light the candles, pour the wine. Spend an evening with your journal. Collect some glossy magazines, colour charts, postcards, catalogues….whatever. Get creative. Get in touch with the truly gorgeous you.

2. Sort Through Your Jewellry Box

Let go of anything which really isn’t gorgeous enough for the new you. Think of user-friendly ways to store your treasures. I use a corkboard to display my necklaces, mainly because I love looking at anything sparkly! Treat yourself to one fabulous piece of costume jewellery. You don’t need to spend a fortune, just go for something you love right now. We’re not talking about investing in an heirloom. Have some fun.

3. Take Time to Look at Your Goals

Are you on course? What do you need to do to get there? Remember to keep treating yourself. Not quite motivated enough? Perhaps you need to enlist the support of a friend. If this isn’t working for you, call in the experts.

4. Look Back on the Sensual Journey

Which of the senses proved most attractive to you? How can you factor more of this sense into your everyday life? Make notes in your journal.

5. Make Sure You are Keeping up with Your Visualisations

At least 3 times this week, I want you to create the vision of the most gorgeous you. If time is of the essence, you could try:

  • Visualising as soon as you wake up. You could either do this whilst still in bed, or set the alarm for 15 minutes earlier and go to your gorgeous zone. Enjoy that special time before the rest of the house wakes up
  • Closing your eyes and going inwards on a train journey
  • Create your vision whilst in the bath!

Congratulations. You’ve just completed module five. Have yourself a ball this week, and try out some new pleasures.