Express Yourself
Module 5: Writing that hits the Target

Wordsworth

In NLP the representation a word has within our mind will always shape our view of the world. For example, if I talk about a “scary house with dark corners and unwelcoming smell” you might conjure up images of a haunted house, possibly a house that’s been featured in a horror movie, and for most of us it would be a place we wouldn’t particularly want to visit.

Your internal imagery could give me words like cold, dark, frightening, and negative. However, if I described the same house as a “fun filled thrill ride, packed with shocks and spooks, smells and the odd inhabitant to chase you out alive,” you might think Disney, theme park, fun, shock, laughter, enjoyment!

The words we use to describe our world, to ourselves and others, also say a lot about who we are, our outlook, character and potential.

Armed with that information the world and the people we meet in it will make observations and judgements about who they think we are (which are also of course influenced by their view of the world).

However, before anyone else has a chance to make decisions on us, we can also take a look at who we are, too. Remember, the words we chose to encapsulate and experience every aspect of who we are affects our view of the world, as well as its view of us.

Taking a sight test

Of course, this is not a regular sight test. This one is more to discover how we see, and then how others see us.

1. Firstly, I want you to write down the first 50 words that come to mind. These words can be about anything and everything. They can be about your life, someone else’s, politics, space exploration, anything.However, you can only use one-word answers. Keep the list open for a few days, and preferably with you at all times because if a word comes to mind I want you to be able to record it.
2. Secondly, after the above exercise is completed (and not before), I want you to ask at least 10 people what the first three words are that come to mind when they think of you.
3. Once you have all the results – which should take between 4 and 5 days, look at the first exercise, listing the words you came up with, and taking a fresh piece of A4 paper, draw a line right down the middle from top to bottom (creating two columns).Transfer each of the first lists of words over to the new paper, which should have two titles at the top of each column, Positive, and Negative. It should be easy to decide where each of your words sit, though if some get a little tricky don’t get too caught up in the process, just listen to your intuition and transfer the word over.
4. Now take a look back at the list of descriptive words offered by other people about you. Again, transfer to another piece of paper with 2 columns, this time headed with Great stuff, and Could be improved upon.
5. Finally, notice how you feel when reading each list, each column. Remember, words create feeling – our internal imagery.Is yours the one you would choose? If not, what words would you change? And what different images would those new words conjure up?

This feedback, both internal and external, is essential. Armed with this knowledge we can begin making more conscious decisions about what, if any, parts of our character we’d like to upgrade and change.

“No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunnelled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined.”
Joan Rivers

Kathy decides to fly

I met Kathy in 2003. She’d been divorced for 5 years, and in her mid-40s had been in a relationship with Greg for 3 years. Kathy worked in the HR department of a large company on the north of England.

When we first talked, she told me she was not happy. On the surface life was fine. Financially, even though severely stretched by a huge mortgage, Kathy felt secure.

Career-wise Kathy was an important player within her organization, someone with authority – though with an ever-growing feeling that “there must be more to life than this.”

In her relationship with Greg things began to look a little less ideal. Even though long since widowed, Greg felt an intense loyalty to protect and project the ideal father figure to his two grown up daughters.

What this meant for Kathy and her relationship with Greg was distance, not living together, no holidays and generally a life of not moving together as the unit she’d hoped they would have become.

Second-best

Says Kathy: “I’m so angry with myself, not that Greg wouldn’t go on holiday with me, but that I allowed him to get away with not going. I settled for second best, and the worst part was I knew I was settling for second best. I didn’t know if he or I could become anything different, and it’s that insecurity that kept me playing the same game for so long.”

I asked Kathy to come back to me with the Wordsworth and Sight Test exercises above, and words like, “used, old, incapable, wasted, forgotten, sad,” and “lost” filled the negative column.

The positive column was shorter, and mentioned only the Ad (auditory digital, a term used in NLP to describe people who think in a numerical, logical, precise and measured way – with no mention to feelings), words like, “efficient, professional, achiever, survivor” appeared.

Other people, from the local shopkeeper, to acquaintances, friends and family describes her with words like, “trustworthy, honest, loyal, funny, entertaining, achiever, friend, vivacious, adventurer.”

Personal development

The general framework Kathy and myself worked with, whilst incorporating other models, was always to return back to these lists, to see how they were developing.

She designed her ideal list, which consisted of the best of her own self descriptions, the best of other peoples’, and other newly chosen words she wanted to bring into her life and her personality.

Words like “fiery, leader, invention and sex” conjured up a complete make over for her – and this soon came together when Kathy had red and orange highlights in her newly spiked auburn hair, a new and younger fitted wardrobe, some intense workout sessions with a personal trainer, healthier diet, and of course more meaningful and flirtatious social life.

She decided that Greg, even though they had been good together, either needed to perk up, or perk out!

At 45, Kathy decided to become the vibrant soul she’d always dreamt of being.

Says Kathy: “Seeing the new me looking back from the mirror the first time I had my hair coloured brought on a mass of emotions; fear, apprehension, excitement, possibility, and best of all a big wide grin – the like I’d not seen for many a year.

“I’d asked the hairdresser to just ‘go wild’, and now I had this wild sexy woman looking back at me – and somewhere there I recognized that woman was me, and I loved it!”

Upward spiral

The funny thing was however, that as Kathy became more adventurous and thirsty for life, the more successful all aspects of her life became. She was offered another job, including a career development package that included the international travel she’d always dreamed.

This in turn loosened the straightjacket affect her mortgage had been having on her finances. Friends invited her out more, suggested weekends away, and Greg tried ever so hard to keep up with the new Kathy.

They did split up for a few months, before a new and improved Greg got back in touch with Kathy and suggested they give living together a go! Marriage was never on Kathy’s cards, and I would imagine not on Greg’s, either.

If I were to suggest one word myself to describe how Kathy became to me, it would have to vibrant. She began to live, rather than simply survive.

Actions of the Week

Blueprint for life

Here are 4 basic design principles for drafting any document, though not just any document; this will be your blueprint for life.

1. Establish your AIM

Every document or message must have a specific reason for being written. If you can’t think of a reason, don’t waste time on it at all!

Decide what information is necessary in achieving your aim. Don’t swamp the reader with too many details and options – just give them (i.e. you) the outcome of your thoughts by applying your expertise to the information. Decide what is relevant, and state it precisely and concisely. Begin, “I am a…” and let the best of who you want to be flow out on to the page.

2. Consider the READER

As well as yourself, think the rest of the world, your audience, nearest and dearest, etc. What they already know affects what you can leave out. What they need to know determines what you include.

What they want to know suggests the order and emphasis of your writing. Ensure the reader’s access to your information. Pay attention to the content as well as the visual impact. How often have you felt irritated because something was too small/too blurred/badly laid out?

Even though the written words of your blueprint may be private and for your eyes only, what it produces will be your statement to humanity, so make it great.

3. Plan your structure

Provide information in small manageable chunks, and use the document’s structure to maintain context. Remember that most people have short attention spans.

Good structure maintains order and clarity.

For e.g., break down the information into distinct sections and subsections. Finally you have simple, small units of information – usually expressed as a paragraph or a diagram.

Do remember to pay attention to diagrams, charts and non-text items. Often, impact is reduced by clumsy presentation or unclear headings.

Every paragraph or diagram should contain a single idea and serve a purpose or be removed. State the key idea by using some of the following: a development of the idea, an explanation or analogy, and an example. It is also useful to support your ideas with evidence.

4. Draft, edit and revise

Once you’ve decided what to say and to whom, say it. Then check it for clarity and effectiveness before you decide to put your plans into action.

Remember, be brave, take responsibility for your own life, express yourself, and let life bring it on for you.

Until next week, have fun with the information and exercises in this module, and I wish you happiness and success.