Dating Confidence for Women
Module 5: Date Preparation

Welcome back! You’ve done a lot of work over the last few weeks to obtain clarity and to clear many of the things that were getting in the way of you dating with confidence.

So, this week we’re going to concentrate on creating space rather than distance. Because in order for something new to come into your life, or to start anything new, you need to create a bit of space to allow that to happen.

Part One

What sort of space?

Now, this could take the form of mental space. How often do you fantasise about the ‘perfect man’? Do you daydream about what your life will be like when you meet him? When you meet a man, do you fantasise when you’re with him about walking down the aisle and the honeymoon you’ll go on or daydream about the wonderful weekends you’ll have together?

If it does, it’s time to take a reality check because you could be missing out.

Being present 100% with someone means listening to them, paying attention to what is actually going on rather than allowing your mind to drift into the realms of what it could be like.

How good a listener are you?

Pay attention over the next week to test how good your listening skills are. Notice how much attention you pay to people when they’re talking. Are you really listening to what they are saying or are you busy formulating what you want to say?

Paying attention to what people are saying isn’t just polite, it’s a great way to counteract dating nerves, because the more you can concentrate on what the other person is saying, the less time you¹ll have to think about how nervous you are!

Part Two

Don’t rush to judge

Another aspect of creating mental space is just allowing things to be and not allowing criticism or judgments to get in the way of seeing what’s really there. Take a moment to think back to whether you have fallen prey to this and allowed critical thoughts or judgments to creep in when you’ve just met a man.

Are you quick to criticise people in your mind? Observe your thoughts over the course of the next week to see if this is the case.

One of the dangers of holding a picture of our ‘ideal man’ in our head is that no man in real life will match up to this ideal. Using a checklist to tick off his qualities and highlight the ones that he doesn’t have can be counterproductive.

Of course, you will ultimately be making a decision as to whether to take the relationship any further or not. But, until you reach the point of making that decision, using your skills of listening and observation will be far more beneficial than allowing that space to be filled with immediate criticism or judgment.

What message is ‘tattooed’ on your forehead?

Being ‘open’ sends out a positive message to your date.

It’s like having a large stamp on your forehead that says, ‘I’m open to having a successful relationship – try me’. Not, ‘I am desperate’ or ‘don’t bother with me, I hate men’.

Having a positive attitude and positive expectations is enhanced by a welcoming smile. A smile can open many doors, including the ones to men’s hearts. In contrast, a frown, sullen look or one that says, ‘there’s probably no-one here that I’m going to find interesting’ is guaranteed to keep any man away!

  • How approachable are you? Observe yourself over the next week in unfamiliar situations.
  • What does your facial expression convey?
  • Do you smile naturally at people?

Smiling is another essential dating skill. So, if you feel that the initial facial expression you give could do with improving, then ask yourself what you can do about it. Practise in front of the mirror!

Part Three

Creating opportunities

Creating space is not just concerned with creating mental space, it’s also about preparation and creating the opportunity and time to meet someone.

Are you ready to go on a date? Have you got an outfit you love and know you look great in if you were invited out or would you turn down a date because you didn’t have anything to wear? Sometimes even the most minor things can affect our dating confidence.

Do you purposefully fill every available minute of space in your diary? If so, you could be subconsciously creating a situation that says “I have no time to date”. Actively plan times in your schedule which are specifically designed to create opportunities for you to meet men.

Action!

Actions of the Week

Make a list of what would help you to increase your dating confidence.

It may be getting a new hairstyle, visiting an image consultant or simply updating your wardrobe.  Perhaps you feel your confidence would increase if you lost a bit of the weight you’ve put on recently.

In particular, think what’s the first thing you need to do in order to make the changes you want?

Next week, in our final session, you’ll discover how you are now ready to meet the date of your dreams!