Relaunch Your Life
Module 1: Where are you now?

Meet Your Coach: Kristie Davis

KristieKristie Davis specialises in helping clients to change their lives after trauma – divorce, abuse, stalking, bereavement. She also helps people  who are simply unhappy or bored with the direction their lives are taking.

A former victim of spousal abuse and stalking, she has made it her mission to help other women confront their fears and turn their lives around.

About this Course

As you work through the course I will take you on a journey into your future. It will not always be easy and some modules may take longer than a week to complete. Take your time – creating a new life was never going to be a quick fix!

It is VERY important that you carry out the exercises that I describe in the course – this truly is not a course where just reading it will make any difference to your life, you must become actively involved in making changes if you are to succeed.

Good luck, I will be with you all the way!

Recommendation

While all the material in this course is available to you right now, I strongly suggest that you complete each of the modules in order. Each module includes a number of exercises that require you to do some work!

You will get most benefit from the course by taking your time and completing all the exercises before moving forward to the next module.

Part One

Facing and Embracing Failure

Failure – we’ve all been there.  It’s the awful moment when we realize what we wanted is not what we are getting.  It may be our fault, or it may be caused by circumstances beyond our control.  But failure is a fact of life.

It has been said before, but it bears repeating here: To grow in life, we have to fail.  That is how we learn.

If you are a parent, or have been around a child learning to walk, you know that the child has many failures before he or she learns to walk.  As a parent, you don’t call the child a failure if he falls on the first step.  You pick him up and help him try again.

Diana, Princess of Wales, had several falls on her way to becoming the People’s Princess.  She married a man – a real Prince – and thought her fairy tale was coming true.  It was only later that she realized the fairy tale was a sham.  She then had an eating disorder to deal with.  She overcame these failures and built a life of courage and compassion.

I would go even further and state that I believe one reason so many people loved her is that she appeared human through her failures.  This is one reason that she influenced so many people through her work with land mines.  Even posthumously, she is helping people rid the world of land mines.

Another royal example is Sarah Ferguson.  After a picture of her in a compromising position was splayed all over the world, Sarah’s marriage ended in divorce.  She faced public embarrassment, as well as a loss of income.  Sarah turned this around and went on to become a spokesperson for Weight Watcher’s International, as well as a published author.

Oprah Winfrey’s many failures with weight control have also been lambasted through the media.  She has lost weight repeatedly only to regain it.  Now, however, she has a healthy lifestyle that she is sticking with – and, thanks to the publicity from her many failures, is now a role model for other women.

As you can see from the above examples – failure is a part of life.  It often opens doors that you never would have seen if your life had stayed on the same course.  Think back in your own life.  What do you do when you fail?  Do you talk negatively, or do you look for the silver lining?

How you react determines your future.

Part Two

Where are you now?

I don’t know exactly where you are in your life right now.  However, since you are taking this course, it is a safe bet to say that you have reached your failure threshold.  You are at a point where you just can’t take the pain of your life anymore.  You have to do something – NOW.  Anthony Robbins, motivational speaker and author, says that we only change when we’ve reached our pain threshold or when we will get more pleasure out of changing than we will remaining the same.

That’s great!  You’ve overcome that first hurdle.  You are at the point where you want to change.  But I’ve already failed once, you think, what’s to stop me from failing again?  Brace yourself.  I’m about to tell you something you might find hard to believe.

Here is my two word answer to failure – so what!

So what if you fail again!?  Some of the best-known people in the world failed more than once or overcame obstacles to achieve great things.   Here are just a few, although I am sure you could name more.  Take a minute right now and list every person you know that has achieved great things despite failures or obstacles.

  • Thomas Edison – his teachers thought of him as a failure
  • Albert Einstein – difficulty in school; principal thought he was slow
  • Christopher Reeves – paralyzed; before his recent death he was an advocate for quadriplegics
  • Helen Keller – lived a full life despite being deaf and blind

So what!  Say that to yourself just one time.  “So what if I try and fail?” How does it make you feel? Scared, excited, empowered?  Say it again, this time out loud.  Remember, if you try and fail, you will at least know one more thing that doesn’t work for you.  You have to be willing to risk to achieve anything in life.  You have to be willing to put yourself out there!

A saying that has guided me through many difficult trials is this: Failure doesn’t have to be final.

Take motivational Christian speaker Sheila Walsh. Born in Scotland, she became a musician. She had the world at her feet.  She was also host of the widely popular 700 Club, which airs in many countries around the world.

Then, seemingly overnight her world changed.  She checked into a psychiatric wing of a hospital to fight depression.  In her book, The Heartache No One Sees, she says that her friends told her that taking that step was career suicide.  But she had to do it.

This “failure” eventually led her to a career of ministering to millions of women.  She speaks almost weekly to crowds of 10,000 or more in the Women of Faith conferences in the United States.  She also sings songs that reflect hope to many people around the world.  By her willingness to share her failure, she has helped many women overcome their own problems to lead happy, fulfilling lives.  What she thought as a “failure” opened doors, which led to a career that brings God’s love to millions!

Embrace your failures.  See them as limitless possibilities for the future.  Failures are opportunities that bring you to your next greatest moment: change.

Part Three

Change as a process

”You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Gandhi

Gandhi knew what he was talking about.  The only person you can change is yourself.  Sometimes we look so hard for a way to open the door (or person) that is closed that we forget that there is a window open.

We marry, thinking, “Well, I can get him/her to change” or “Once he’s changed, I’ll be happy.”  We waste our childhood thinking, “When I’m an adult, I’ll be happy.”  The list goes on.  Why should we wait to be happy?  Happiness is not a mystical illusion that only someone or some circumstance can give you!  Try it Gandhi’s way!

If you want to be in a happy world – be happy!

I know that some of you are thinking: “It’s not that simple.  You don’t know my life.” And, you are right!  I don’t know your life.  However, I do know that it is better to have problems than it is to have no problems.  There is one simple reason for this.  As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says, the only people who have no problems live in the cemetery.   That might sound simplistic, but it is true.  As long as we are on this Earth, we will be faced with problems, or as we will call them from now on, challenges.

However, I know that you are ready to make this transformation.  You are in the slim minority who is doing something specific to change your life.  You’ve purchased this course, and if you will spend the next six weeks with me – I promise, you will change.  But to change successfully, you need to first figure out what is going wrong in your life and assess what you are doing right.  This will take some time.  You need to have a special notebook that you will use for this course.  Each day you will write your thoughts and feelings in this notebook.  It will serve as a reminder of where you have been and as positive reinforcement of where you are going.

Part Four

Taking the Plunge

Imagine an Olympic diver standing on the platform high above the crowd.  He has practiced his whole life for this moment, but unless he takes that one last step, he will never receive the gold medal waiting for him.  He has to take the plunge.

You are on a precipice now…one where you must make the decision to either jump into a new life or stand there.   You know the decision you long to make, want to make, and despair to make.  You’ve tried so many times, but something has held you back.

Let go today.

Imagine you are driving from Edinburgh to London.  You get on a highway and start driving.   Pretty soon, you see a sign for Inverness.  You know you are going the wrong way.  Would you keep going, hoping that somehow you can get to London on this road, or would you turn around?  If you would do that for an automobile trip, take some time to do it for your life.

Stop going down the road to nowhere and turn around.  The drive to your destiny is much more scenic!

Part Five

How to Start

First, you will need to suspend judgment for a moment.  Pretend that you are one of your close friends.  How does he/she see you?  Take a moment and write down all the positive characteristics your friend would point out.  Do you smile often?  Do you help others?  Do you make a habit of being prompt?  Are you dependable?  Take some time to really think about this.

Set an egg timer for 20 minutes and write until the timer goes off.  This exercise generally makes you feel good.  Don’t worry if you couldn’t think of many positives.  We will be doing this exercise again later in the course.  You will find that you will have many more positive responses.  But for now, read over this list and allow a feeling of hope come over you.

Next, answer the following questions:

  1. What am I doing now to prepare for a different tomorrow?
  2. If I keep acting the same way and doing the same things I’m doing now, what will my life look like in five years?
  3. Is this picture one that I look forward to?

Take some time to really flesh out your answers.

Now, ask a trusted friend to tell you your three strengths.  You might be surprised!  And, if you are really brave, ask that friend to tell you your three weaknesses.  Now combine your list with your friend’s list.  Are you happy with the results?  Most people aren’t.  It’s nothing to worry about now.

You’ve admitted the problem and are ready to embark on your next adventure – evaluating the changes you need to make.  You have to know what to change to know how to change!

Action!

Actions of the Week

1. Keep your journal

Every evening list 10 things you are grateful for that happened that day.  Often we focus so long on the problems, that we don’t see the small mercies God grants us each day.  What happened today that made you smile?  Was it the birds singing?  The crisp feel of an autumn day?  It is important to do this, so don’t neglect it.

2. Adopt an attitude of self-respect.

Make sure that you like yourself.  If you are doing something you can’t agree with deep down, stop today.  You will never get anywhere in life by going against your values.  Remember, the most important person in your life needing respect is you.   With this in mind, begin a victory log.  In this log you will record anything (no matter HOW small it seems!) that you do right!  From walking the dog to showing up at your mother’s for dinner on time – anything positive should find its way into your log.

3. Compliment someone

Find someone today to give a real compliment to.  Don’t be false, but offer up a real, heartfelt compliment.  This helps you grow accustomed to looking for the good in others.  What we look for, we often find!

4. Smile

As simple as that!  When you smile, you make others feel good.  It is hard to resist a smile, so people will smile back at you, which will, in turn, make you feel better.

Take one small action

Work on doing something this week that you’ve been putting off.  Call that old love or clean out that refrigerator.  Do something to prove to yourself that you are in control of your own life.

5. Make a vow to change your perspective on failure.

Put an inspirational quote on your mirror, so that you see it every day. Keep failing…it is the only way you’ll get better!

Keep reminding yourself – I can do and be better!

Until next week – keep smiling!