What are you afraid of?

Posted by Fiona Harrold | No Comment

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

Martin Luther King said this as he led the campaign for civil rights for America’s black citizens. His grasp of realism is a lesson for all of us, whatever our dreams and goals.

Disappointment is a fact of life. It’s not pleasant, but nor is it life-threatening. It’s best not to build a life around trying to avoid it. Many of us fear disappointment, and the very fear of it, stops us in our tracks, stops us even having a go at trying new things.

Often, we don’t attempt the very thing that is most important to us, that has the potential to give us our greatest joy and fulfilment.

Why? Because we don’t want to feel disappointed. Far better, we may think, to not try at all, because at least we won’t run the risk of ending up ­ disappointed.

What is so bad about disappointment? Why does it have such a powerful sway over us? My conclusion is this: we fear disappointment because of what we make it mean. We fear the personal annihilation that can accompany it.

Does it have to be this way? Absolutely not. Did Dr Luther King think he was a fool when his request for black Americans to share the same bus seats as white Americans was rejected? I don’t think so. If he had lost hope at that point, history would have judged him accordingly.

What are you afraid of?

Might you be wary of the criticism and condemnation that could accompany a disappointment? What would a disappointment lead you to feel about yourself? As your own judge and jury, what would your verdict be? Or are you concerned what others might say? Is their judgement the one that counts?

Do yourself a huge, lifelong favour and go beyond disappointment. Grasp that it’s simply a part of living a full and fascinating life. Accept that never risking anything leads to the same old, same old. Not everything will work out perfectly, instantly. An initial rejection doesn’t mean that you are a fool, and a fool for trying.

It means a whole range of things. It could mean: you’re asking the wrong person; your idea is too soon/too late; you need to improve on your idea or presentation.

Your job is to figure out the meaning and handle it as quickly as possible.

Wallowing forever in disappointment and making it personal is not a good use of your time. The smart option is to keep going, without losing hope. Feel the disappointment and do it anyway!