Tips for Designing a New Relationship

Statistics show that 75% of divorced people remarry within 5 years. So what happens to the other 25%? They choose a different path. There are so many ways of designing your new relationship to fit in with how you want to run your new life.

You will want to factor in children, if you have any, your work, your social life, your own time to follow your hobbies and passions as well as your time together with your new partner. When you understand what’s most important to you and what your own boundaries are, then you’ll begin to have an idea of how you want your new relationship to look.

Designing a new relationship that is in alignment with your personal values is a radical act. It takes courage and great communication skills and absolutely everyone can do it. Start thinking out of the box. Ask yourself “if I could design my perfect relationship what would it look like?”

These are my top tips for those setting out to design a relationship that fits perfectly.

1. What’s Non-Negotiable?

Know what qualities you want from your new partner by understanding your own personal values. Must you have a non-smoker who loves animals or a 6ft tall Gemini? What’s negotiable and what isn’t. Once you start compromising what you value most, you’ll attract what you don’t want.

Look for a partner who already has the qualities you are looking for instead of trying to change someone into what you want them to be.

2. Drop the Drama

If you are ready for a new relationship then be ready to drop the drama of your divorce. Everyone has a story and the details can be discussed in time. However, your date is interested in you and you are far more than just your divorce.

3. Communicate

Say what you mean and mean what you say. This is a fabulous opportunity to create a relationship based on clean communication. Start as you mean to continue. Be clear about your boundaries. Let your new date know what’s acceptable behaviour and what isn’t and communicate truthfully and clearly about what works for you and what doesn’t.

Never assume you’ve been understood. People are not mind readers and not everyone sees life as we do. Ask questions that will clarify understanding and avoid upsets.

4. Dating and Children

Dating and children don’t mix in the early stages. Children of divorce need safety and stability.If you must introduce your new relationship to your children, then call him or her ‘my friend’. Children understand what a friendship is, however boyfriend or girlfriend has a different
meaning altogether.You will know when that feels right.Until then, take care of the kids.

5. Let’s Get Physical

When sex is on the cards, be sure you are clear about what you are doing and what it means. Does this herald the beginning of a close and exclusive relationship or is it just a passionate moment for you both?

Have the courage to find out now rather than be disappointed later.